Just a mom? not.

2009-10-19T22:30:00.003-04:00

Me and my boy

Some news and a recipe...

2009-06-09T16:38:00.003-04:00

I have been cheating on my blog with another blog. I have started a new blog with friend called forwardmom.blogspot.com Come check it out and see what's going on over there. I will still do some recipes and write when I can on here...this is for dinner one day this week....

Oriental (Chicken) Salad

1 One lb bag of cole slaw (salad section of store)
2 pkgs Ramen Oriental Flavored Noodle Soup (blue bag)
4 oz sunflower seeds
4 oz slivered almond
2-3 scallions chopped
½ cup red wine vinegar
½ cup sugar
1 cup olive oil (or vegetable/canola oil is OK too)

In LARGE bowl toss together cole slaw, sunflower seeds, almonds, scallions and the noodles from the soup packages; crumbled.

In another bowl whisk together the vinegar, oil, sugar and the 2 seasoning packets from the soup packages. Pour over cole slaw mixture and mix well.

To make it Oriental Chicken Salad:
Brown chicken cutlets in pan (about 6 cutlets more or less depending on what you want)with a small amount of oil. When lightly browned pour teriyaki sauce over and simmer until done. Let sit in fridge while you prepare the rest of the salad. Before you pour over the vinegar mixture cut up chicken pieces and toss. Chill before serving.

** Been making this since 1998. It’s really good and everyone loves it. I sometimes buy frozen eggrolls and serve with the salad for dinner.

Recipe Day

2009-05-06T17:46:00.004-04:00

Rustic Summer Squash Tart

It's not summer I know. But zucchini and yellow squash are on sale and I wanted to make them. This recipe has some of my favorite ingredients in it...pie crust, zucchini,peppers and cheese. Yum.

1 tsp olive oil
1 lb mixed summer squash (zucchini, yellow squash) cut into 1/4 rounds
1 tsp chopped garlic
Freshly ground pepper
1 refrigerated pie crust (from a 15oz. box)
4 oz Roquefort, Gorgonzola other good-quality blue cheese (I prefer Gorgonzola way & more than 4 oz.!!)
1 roasted yellow or red pepper; cut in strips
1 large plum tomato sliced; seeds removed
1 large egg; beaten

1. Heat oil in large skillet over medium heat. Add squash, cook turning pieces as they start to color; 7 minutes or until crisp tender. Remove from heat; stir in garlic and pepper to taste. Cool to room temperature.

2. Heat oven to 400
Line baking sheet with parchment paper; unroll or unfold pie crust on the parchment. With a rolling pin; roll crust to a 13 in round. Crumble half the blue cheese over crust within 2 inches of the edge. Arrange squash mixture, pepper strips and tomato slices and crumble the remaining cheese on top; fold edge of the crust over filling and brush crust with egg.

3. Bake 35-40 minutes until pastry is golden. Slide tart, still on parchment onto wire rack. Crumble remaining cheese over top. Let cool before serving.

When is it enough?

2009-04-17T10:09:00.002-04:00

I am just wondering about this whole kid’s sports phenomenon. When is enough…well, enough?

Is it when you sign your kid up for two sports that occur during the same season? I mean how can we pick one? What if he likes one better? What if the whole freaking first grade is playing “the” sport? You can’t not try it and be left in the dust.

Is it when you sign your kid up for “instructional” lacrosse and the equipment for the kid who can’t really even tie his own shoes that well yet, costs upwards of $200 (not including the registration fee)? There’s a strong possibility said kid may not stick with that sport. But heck… we will have some really cool equipment taking up room in the garage.

Is it when you stand there at practice, freezing your ass off (it was NOT this cold at the house!!) after already having started dinner, did homework, raced to get there on time, squeezed and tugged him into his equipment in the back of the minivan, only to hear him ask the coach “how long ‘til practice is over?”

Is it when the people “in charge” don’t pass along any pertinent information? “Picture day is on Sunday…” Oh really? Maybe you would like to tell me where and what time? Small details I know. But I like to know where I am going and what time I should be there. I am funny like that.

Is it when the parent standing next to me watching the same game that both our kids are in, says “Did you see how good my Johnny is?” Uh, no. Actually I am watching my kid believe it or not.
Now don’t get me wrong if Johnny was doing something great I would give the kid props. And maybe even give the parent a pat on the back if they aren’t someone I would otherwise like to smack. But if both kids are doing the same thing and neither one doing it more spectacular that the other, then no I didn’t see your Johnny. The fact that you would assume that I would be watching Johnny and not my kid is strange to me. Truthfully, if your Johnny discovered the cure for cancer while dribbling a soccer ball I still wouldn’t think he was better than my kid. A parent is supposed to think their own child is nothing short of amazing…just not supposed to assume everyone else thinks so too.

So is it enough when I say it is? Probably. But I won’t say it is. I won’t make my kid be the one with the crazy mom that complains all the time, who knows she can do things better than most of these chimpanzees that run “organized” (not) sports. So, I will let him try every dam sport. I will buy all the bells and whistles even if that means my haircut money that week goes to buy athletic supporters. I will drive to four different practices, freeze my petunias off at the fields, and make nice with parents that are certifiable. (Although I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that some parents are great…some are even my friends who I am happy to sit, freeze and chat with.) I will chip in to buy the coaches gift cards to Dunkin’ Donuts cause they at least stepped up to herd these 7 year old boys and try to teach them the game.

With any luck my athlete will say enough is enough one day. He will choose one sport per season that he loves. Until then I suppose, I will do more than my share of enough to get him where he needs to go. God forbid, he would just have to play out in the back yard. Remember when that was enough?

She's hired!

2009-04-14T16:04:00.002-04:00

Diva got the job! Whoo hoo! Who is happier than me? Ok DH is happier...

She will be working in a lawyers office and with some of her friends who got jobs there as well. Nice hours that work around her schedule (which this week includes one extra spring break day off, a trip to a Broadway play and and a five day trip with her school group...it is good to be 16!), close to home, looks great on the college resume.

Very weird for me dropping her off to start her first day. But then again in less than a year she will be driving herself and that's just plain scary on so many levels.

Blog-iversary

2009-04-11T22:46:00.003-04:00

Who knew there was such a word. Apparently there is.

Well, Monday is my two year blog-iversary. What started out as a cool new thing has turned into some kind of therapy almost for me. I never thought I would still be writing two years later. I look at my counter sometimes and wonder who reads this aside from the ones that I know. I reread some of my favorites over from time to time and they make me smile. Some still make me cry like I did the day I wrote them.

I think of the times I wanted to say more, but something held me back. Then sometimes maybe I said too much. I know why I read other blogs. But it still amazes me that anyone wants to read what I write. But those who read and comment and those who pop in and read and don't, thanks for hanging with me. I hope I have maybe made you laugh, or given you something to think about. I wonder what the next year will bring to make me what to bang away at my laptop. We shall see.

..oh yeah the recipes...

2009-04-05T22:56:00.003-04:00

I know I said one a week. Life takes over and you look up and time has flew by. I will give you a quick one that I made again this week since I was low carbing...

Cold Chick Pea Salad
1 can chick peas drained
1 can black olives drained and cut up
2 stalks celery diced
1/4 cup red onions sliced thin and chopped
Feta cheese as much as floats your boat (low fat if possible)
Balsamic vinegar
Oil (I like EVOO but regular olive oil or even vegetable or canola is fine)

Mix chick peas, olives, celery, onions and feta in a medium sized bowl. Drizzle with balsamic vinegar and oil. Mix up. Refrigerate for at least an hour to chill.

What a difference a day makes...

2009-04-05T22:37:00.005-04:00

Spring has sprung today. Even though I think tomorrow's going to be rainy...today was truly spring.

We had a Palm Sunday brunch with family. Sat outside to finish our coffee after stuffing ourselves with yummy brunch fixin's..homemade waffles, bacon, fruit, home fries, even mimosas which I adore. After a week doing low carb which is not that hard yet effective...washing waffles down with champagne was not short of divine! Kids played baseball and tag..neighborhood dogs (and resident dog of course) got in some ball stealing too!

Sun was so strong that I got some color on my face and chest. Barring the damage that sun causes...yippee! I even decided after company left, to linger outside and read my book for awhile. Then took a 3.5 mile walk to the beach alone..well I took Beyonce, AC/DC,Barry just to name a few to keep some pep in my step.

Sat for a few minutes to admire one of my favorite views and lucky me it's practically in my own backyard.

I will keep doing the sun dance...can you say flip flops??????

"...like marizpan frosting on a sardine."

2009-03-23T13:23:00.007-04:00

How's that for a post title? It's a quote from book I just read. A character described her sister's ex-lover as such. It made me laugh. Then it made me think. I know people who are sardines with marzipan frosting. Look all good and together on the outside. May even make people envious of what they have. But when you "cut them open"...yep. Sardines. Just like that pretty cake...imagine you cut a piece thinking it would be heaven on a plate, then it's just sardines inside. Yuck.

Then I think again. Am I becoming one? Maybe that's why I have had this feeling of unrest for some time. Thought maybe it was the winter blues...but maybe the weather's not totally to blame. Maybe I have been getting caught up in the wake of the sardines and not being true to myself. I think in some ways, yes.

I have always known who I am. What I am about. Lately, I am doubting who I am. I have feeling of not measuring up, not confident in my decisions, self conscientious about what I am putting out there to the world. I have become consumed with things. Now I like nice things like the next guy. And if I had all the disposable income at my fingertips that I desired I would have even better stuff. But somewhere I started to lose what's most important. I started to take for granted the wonderful experience that is my life. I used to keep a gratitude journal for many years. Can't remember when's the last time I wrote in that. I can almost be sure it has not been since I moved to the other side of the tracks. I am afraid therein lies the problem. The other side of the tracks was always on my wish list. When I got it I think I forgot that there's more than where your front door is to be grateful for. Time to dust that off and start writing in it again.

I am not sure if the book I just read has helped me shift my focus. I think it was one of a few things. It sure made me realize that being bummed about not be able to vacation at my favorite summer destination this year is total nonsense compared to God forbid, a sick child. I think our crappy economy though I know it's temporary, has made to me take a second look at where the heck all the money my husband makes goes. And how much we just took for granted and threw money at to make it all be wonderful. Again, money is good. Lots of money is better. I know in my house when the money's flowing everything's just peachy. When money is tight maybe not so much. But that's not who we are. We have a great life. We are very blessed and rich in so many ways. Money is nice..I do enjoy it in large sums...but it's not everything and really can't make you truly happy.

As I drove home today, someone had a bumper sticker that read "Gratitude is the Attitude". I thought..I know that. Someone trying to tell me something? Seems so. I know when you are truly grateful for what you have, only then can more come your way. More not necessarily being things...it could be more in so many other forms. More good health, more strength to deal with people who are nipping at your heels, more patience for your kids who really just want some of you every day even if they are teenagers!

So I will not become a sardine with marzipan frosting. Although I love the marzipan frosting...perfect, no lumps, bumps or "knife lines"...and I can keep striving for that. But, when you cut me open no sardines. More like red velvet cake. Yeah, comforting and good. And real. No artificial anything inside. And when I run into people that remind me of that saying I will just laugh because I know what's underneath.

P.S. Thanks Lizard for reminding me of this latest song...I know it's coming I just wish it would hurry up!!

Gymbos

2009-03-13T10:31:00.005-04:00

In my house when we say Gymbos we know exactly what we are talking about. The "Gymbos" have been around since Shorty was about 1 1/2 years old. So we are talking going on six years. They are not the toy that I would have gone to the store to pick out for my child. For the record I do not like clowns. (another issue another post) But after having signed up for Gymboree classes for all the years leading up to nursery school..Gymbo the HUGE stuffed clown that was brought out at the end of every class to sing the goodbye song with and get hugged by every little darling in the class grew on me. He was cute. (not that scary hide under your bed with a knife with blood dripping from it's fangs kind...sorry issues, I digress...) Shorty LOVED him, So Santa bought him a smaller one..now affectionately known as "Big". Then during the course of more Gymboree classes Shorty became infatuated with firemen. He was one for Halloween that year. And when they had for sale a smaller beanbag type version of Gymbo dressed as a firefighter...there was no way I was getting outta there without him. He is affectionately known now as...you guessed it..."Firefighter". You can figure out from the picture I think who is who...Firefighter used to have a yellow suit..but well he has been through a lot...

They have not missed a night's sleep with Shorty all these years. They have gone to Florida, upstate, Vermont, Fire Island...you name it. If Shorty has been there overnight they were there too. They have gone through the xray machine at airports many, many times...much to most luggage checker's delight! They are his I guess...security blanket. I never really ever let him take them places...like on errands or to people's houses. He never really wanted to...just as long as they were there in his crib for a nap or in his bed on top of his WWE sheets waiting for him when night fell.

I dont give them much thought usually. Once in awhile I give them a wash inside a pillow case on delicate to spruce them up. I rearrange them every night when I go into his room to tuck him in again after he has fallen asleep. I sit them on his bed every day after making it.

One day last week I made his bed but didn't see them. Honestly I thought they were under the bed or down the side by the wall and couldn't be bothered looking for them figuring he would find them at bedtime. When bedtime came and he was bouncing into bed...I said "hey where are the Gym's?" He said "oh, they are in my closet." Closet??? What the heck are they doing in there? He went on to explain that he and his friend were playing up there earlier and he hid them in there beforehand because he didn't want his friend to see them. Now mind you they are from hunger. They have definitely seen better days. They are tattered and torn, re-sewn 10x over, like I said Firefighters uniform has been pretty much totally "loved" off. I wouldn't want anyone to see them either to be honest. But he said he hid them because he doesn't want his friend to think he is a baby. I felt my heart break a little. So I suggested that maybe it was time to give up the Gymbos. "No he said, not yet. I just don't want anyone to see them anymore". So there goes another chapter in our life.

I fear the Gyms are on their way out. DH is delighted. He said get rid of them a long time ago...but I would never. I hate to even throw away stupid stuffed things won at fairs or in the those dumb claw machines. I feel guilty tying up black garbage bags with things "looking" at me. I could never throw away the Gyms. I am actually planning on putting them in something one day to preserve them. Maybe sit them on a shelf somewhere.

So the reason for the picture is this. He is starting Lacrosse this week. He got a lacrosse helmet and is tickled about it. He has been wearing it for three days. He said he feels like a big kid with "equipment". I think he looks like an alien with that big thing on his pea sized head but as long as he is digging it then so am I. He came down the other night with the helmet on and his Gymbos. He asked if I could stitch up Big's hat and Firefighters shoe. I said sure, so he left all his stuff on the counter. I couldn't help but get a little sad as I looked at that stuff and thought how a picture can say it all. He is moving on...getting older...more aware of what "people" think..but the Gymbos are still here.

I think their days are numbered. But when that day comes...I will sit them on a shelf somewhere so I can look at them from time to time and remember when life was simple. When all you needed was the Gymbos to make everything OK.

Moms don't get sick

2009-03-02T10:43:00.003-05:00

Well not that they don't, they do. I mean they can have a cold, stomach issues whatever. But they pop OTC meds and off with their day they go. Not missing a beat.

So what I think I mean is that they "can't" get sick. Well I broke that rule this week. Whatever this is that I have, has without mincing words...kicked my ass. I have been sick now for six days and counting. I probably was coming down with it for a few more days before that...but I followed the pop the OTC meds rule and proceeded on. But I did breakdown and go to the Dr. after day 2.

So many people around me have gotten sick this year. And when they were laid up for days I thought..yeah...when I am sick I just keep going no laying in bed for me. I would like a little of that sick when I could just lie in bed for days. I know...be careful what you wish for.

For the record...I hate laying in bed other then when it's bedtime. I lay there feeling miserable thinking of all the things I should be doing. Like say for example, getting the house ready for the 30+ people coming here on the weekend for brunch. Or the movie night with the girls that I am missing. grr.

DH did a great job of holding down the fort for a few days. he even made homemade chicken matzoh ball soup ( know I spelled that wrong..) for dinner one night. And served it to me in bed.
But being the person that I am, I still needed to do things my way. So I tried to do stuff around the house during the week like I normally do. Just that nothing was done the way I normally do it because I just didnt have the strength. And all the halfway job of doing things landed me back in bed after all kids were present and accounted for after school every afternoon.

Moms get sick but really they can't . It's like a week lost. Email piling up...text messages from people wondering where I have been all week. Un-returned phone calls from people asking why I didnt tell them I was sick. Sorry not my style to make announcements about my state of sickness. And really not in me to reiterate my tale of woe....Laundry, mail. The family tries really they do. I have issues. I know this, move on.

So no more sick for me. I did my time. I am done. I had better feel ok tomorrow or I will not be happy. Tomorrow when I wake up I had better not feel like I have my head underwater...I will lipstick my chapped from breathing through my mouth lips, powder my blown way too many times nose, and go have breakfast with my friends when my darlings have all been sent off for the day. No more pajamas or socks in layers on my frozen feet. Perhaps maybe even earrings.

Pop those OTC meds (and the antibiotics from the Dr.) and off I will go. Ambitious? Maybe. But I am mom and I can't be sick.

What's for dinner?

2009-02-06T09:09:00.004-05:00

Made this last night. yum. Thumbs up from everyone but Shorty, he had a triple decker PB&J..!

I highlight where I changed things. I very rarely follow a dinner recipe exactly. Baking yes you need to be exact, but cooking you can vary depending on your taste or size of your family. Or in my case if you have a teenage boy that has started eating you out of house and home.

Creamy Bow-Tie Pasta with Chicken and Broccoli

3 cups farfalle (bow-tie pasta) uncooked (I did more like 4; almost the whole box of Barilla brand)

4 cups broccoli florets (I used the whole bag of frozen broccoli)

3 Tbsp. KRAFT Roasted Pepper Italian with Parmesan Dressing/Marinade

(I used a little more since I made this in a huge skillet passed down to me by my mother-in-law)

6 small boneless skinless chicken breasts (used more like 8 regular sized ones)

2 cloves garlic minced

2 cups tomato-basil spaghetti sauce (*big disclaimer..see bottom)

4 oz Cream cheese (I used the whole block; 8oz ..try using light I think it would work fine too)

Grated parmesan cheese

Cook pasta as directed. Add broccoli to cooking pasta for the last three minutes of cooking time.

Meanwhile heat dressing in a large skillet on medium heat. Add chicken and garlic; cook 5 minutes. Turning chicken continue cooking until cooked through.

Drain pasta return to pan and set aside. Add pasta sauce and cream cheese to chicken in skillet; cook on medium low heat until cream cheese is completely melted, mixture is well blended and chicken is coked with sauce stirring occasionally. Remove chicken from skillet and keep warm. Add pasta to sauce mixture; mix well. Transfer to serving bowls/plates and top with a piece (or more) of chicken cut crosswise into thick slices fanned out over pasta. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese.

Credit- Kraft Food and Family Spring 2007

(*disclaimer...I always, always make my own sauce. I actually jarred my own tomatoes this summer with my family for crying out loud. But this time for the first time in my life I bought jarred sauce. I didn't have any sauce made and I didn't want to waste one of my jars of tomatoes (I am running low) on a recipe that may not have turned out good. So I bought Barilla Tomato-Basil Marinara. I figured I like Barilla pasta so how bad could this be. It was actually quite tasty straight from the jar and mixing it with the dressing and cream cheese it was delicious. So do what you want as far as the sauce...but to keep this one easy and it's really easy...I may buy a jar for this recipe all the time.)

Happy Three Years on H Lane...

2009-02-04T14:01:00.008-05:00

Three years seems like a long time when I think

of it. Guess it's not really.

The to-do list is still a mile long. And with a Sweet Sixteen, Linus' wedding and throw in two more significant weddings, a 70th birthday and a confirmation...I would imagine the list will have to stay long this year. Sometimes it bugs me. Like now when I am in the house a lot. I guess once the spring thaw hits and I am outside planting and digging in the dirt I won't be so bugged about what's going on or not going on inside. I will do some painting that must get done or I may have a fit. (we don't want THAT!) But all in all can't complain. The taxes could be a little less thanks, but I guess everyone can say that.

It's been a rough year all around us, with the economy, people passing and a few more downs than ups. But at the end of the day I think we are all happy to come through that door and know we are home.

Home where there's enough room to be alone if you need to. A comfy chair to sit in by the fire and read. Friends of every size who come in and out during the course of the day; whether it's to play with toys in the basement, or play video games in the family room, or to run giggling upstairs to the teenage cave full of clothes, cd's and makeup. Or maybe it's to borrow and egg, or just to do a drive by for a cup of coffee. We have had all five birthday cakes and parties, poolside "gatherings", marshing mellows by the fire. Post trick or treating pizza with a "few" (ok 25 or so), an impromptu ice cream party after a Friday night school function. Out of town family staying for visits. Waking up to other people's teenagers sleeping on my couch. Christmas trees, Easter egg hunts, Red dinners on Valentines Day. This breaking and that needing to be fixed. Thousands of loads of laundry, floors filthy from a New Year's crowd of about 50 that need to be mopped. Some tears and some raised voices. But lots of laughing and lots of love.

I do intend to grow old in this house. So I can watch the trees I've planted grow tall, and other people's children at the bus stop. So when it's just the two of us rattling around in this house...that we still fill it with children and grandchildren and friends who have been coming here for years and years.

Whatta ya think?

2009-02-02T16:36:00.001-05:00

I am digging my new blog layout. Are you?

A recipe a week

2009-01-29T21:25:00.006-05:00

I was talking with relatively "newbie" mom (her oldest is 7...I win my oldest is almost 16) today while we waited for our "Ninjas" to come out of karate class. She was saying that she can't wait to be able to make new things for dinner when her kids are bigger like mine.

HA! Had to burst her bubble and say it only gets worse and now, they not only don't want to eat it, they make fun of it. Ask the Diva about "Caesar Salad Pasta" when you see her. (it was yucky I admit it..) But how do you know unless you try it. And I am not going to experiment on guests so when can I try stuff then??? Exactly.

So that leads me to my file. That, (no lie) has recipes I want to try cut out of magazines that go back to 1999!!!!! I am sure if analyzed I must have some type of issue. But having said that I want to try these things. I have tried some. Some are tried and true like Greek Olive Dip (yum-o). And some went in the garbage after trying, i.e. "Easy Cheesy Corn Bake" (ew). I got the idea/recipe for the most spectacular 6 year old birthday cake I ever made from that folder.
So one of my New Year "ideas" (remember no resolutions!) is to try a new recipe a week. I was going to do one a day but I decided that was too much pressure and may cause a mutiny. And it won't always be main dish or even a dinner dish. Just something new.

So here are two sides I tried this week...yes two this week I was very ambitious. They actually got thumbs up and I will put them in my recipe book. They have to be good, cause I work for a tough crowd.

Crisp Smashed Potatoes

3-4lbs of the smallest red or white potatoes you can find; washed.
Olive oil
Salt and Pepper

Place potatoes in a large pot so they are in one layer. Cover with cold water and then bring water to a boil. Reduce heat and then simmer for about 20 minutes or until potatoes are tender.

Transfer from pot toa baking sheet that has been sprayed with cooking oil. Cover with a clean dish towel and let sit for about 5-10 minutes.

Then with the heal of your hand and using the dish towel so you don't burn your hand, gently "smash" each potato to flatten to about one inch thick. (flatten somewhat not like a pancake...just it's not round anymore) It's ok if they break a little. Brush with olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste. Turn them over and brush with a little more oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Bake in a 450 oven for about 30-35 minutes or until browned and crispy. Some diners enjoyed their's with ketchup, as others used sour cream like a baked potato. Makes about 6 servings.
* * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Green Beans with Feta
1 1/2 lbs trimmed fresh or frozen green beans; thawed
1/2 cup Zesty Italian Salad Dressing
1/2 cup (I used about half of a medium sized) red onion sliced thin
4 oz crumbled feta cheese

Combine everything in a large skillet. Cover.

Cook on medium heat 10-12 minutes or until beans are crisp-tender, stirring frequently. Remove from heat.

Stir in feta cheese and serve.

Bon Apetit..oh and Hi Auntie Joann! xoxox

Blast from the past

2009-01-27T23:39:00.006-05:00

Saw a bunch of old high school friends the other night. It was really a nice night. Even though it was ridiculously cold and when I was getting dressed I was thinking I really just should stay in my pj's tonight and stay in. I am glad I went. When I see people that I haven't seen in 20 years it's really so fun. You freak out when you realize who you are standing in front of after all these years. And for that little while it feels good to spend some time with people who knew you before. Before you were someone's wife, or someone's mom, or that woman from the PTA or that lady that lives down the block. They knew you for you. A friend, a crush, a girl that was in your 4th grade class or your best friend from down the street. When all you had to worry about was you. What you were wearing that day...how you look, how much homework you had, and what you and your friends were going to do on the weekend. And though the next morning it's back to dirty dishes in the sink that the kids left when I was out with my friends, and dinner to make and laundry to fold, and other people's homework to check. It's ok. It's my life now. A life I wouldn't trade for anything. The life I love. It's still nice when you get the chance to take a brief trip back in time and remind yourself of other happy times and of who you were...once.

Talk about change....

2009-01-22T10:58:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I dropped the Diva off for her first real job interview. Surreal as I watched her walk into the office, with her best "work" clothes on and a little rattled about what she was going to say.

Where does the time go? Did I not just sew patches on her Brownie uniform?

Picture perfect?

2009-01-15T10:33:00.004-05:00

Ok over and over again I said I hate winter. I may be giving poor Old Man Winter a bad rap. What I hate is frigid cold and darkness. I do love snow. Snowmen are cute. I love my Uggs (can't wear them to the beach), and I love scarves.

Although it is friggin' COLD today...it is picture perfect if I stop and really look.

Time well spent

2009-01-14T18:44:00.007-05:00

Spent today with my "client" a.k.a. Cowgirl. Worked on more decorating of her home. Took a break from the massive purge at H.Lane to do the thing I love to do most. Decorate. This is my labor of love. Everyone is good at something. This is my something. When I can help someone figure out what they like, what their style is and watch it transform their home and transform them it makes my heart sing. They are always unsure at first. It's hard to go from a house with all white walls to color. I tell them "what goes with this" and no it doesn't "match" but it "coordinates"...I see the light bulb go on. When they realize they do have a style and they can figure out what looks good it's a revelation and my work is done.
So today definitely fits with the theme of the month. Order. It may not be order in my world but I helped bring some to my friend's.

Cleaning house

2009-01-13T22:48:00.004-05:00

Literally. Well maybe figuratively too.

But that's what I have been doing since the kids went back to school. Room by room. Finished the Diva's room today. God knows it's been worse. And you would think an almost Sweet 16 would not want her mother in her room to "Mom clean" but she does. I think it gives her order and focus. No one needs to see what was in those black bags I threw out. Thing is, no one will ever miss what was in there. I would never throw out personal stuff and I did leave a pile for them to peruse at their leisure to see what is staying or going. Except maybe not Shorty...he would save every leg of every broken guy he ever had. Funny though...everyone retired to their rooms early. Nice when you can go hide in your own space and not have to step over things.

So order is the on the menu this month. I have been in almost every day with the exception of an errand or two. I have spent almost everyday in silence. No radio or TV while I go about my mission. That wasn't even intentional. Letting whatever is in my head have it's say...and deciding whether to dwell on it or not.

Thursday is our room. I wonder if I will miss what goes in the black bags. I am sure I can fill at least one. The closet already has all the hangers hung backwards. At the end of the season I can see what I haven't worn because those hangers will still be backward. I hope then I will still be in the purging mood so I can give them away to someone who needs them.

Begin....again.

2009-01-13T22:09:00.003-05:00

Been almost a month since I have blogged. Guess I was consumed by the holidays. In a good way I guess. Winter sets in now...literally and figuratively. And as I have said before I don't do resolutions. I mean, not at the stroke of midnight on the 31st of December anyway. I do resolve to make some changes. I don't have a list or anything but there are things in my life that have lacked attention from me lately...and that needs to change.

I think I may have lost something somewhere over the last few years. Nothing that you could really name or grasp. I guess I just may have veered off my path (whatever that is) and need to be centered again. I somehow lost sight of what's really important I think somewhere along the way.

The past year has been one of significant loss. Death of a loved one, a dear friend moved away and personal issues that have just not been fun. I can really say that I am glad that 2008 is in the past. But throughout it all lessons have been learned. Mostly things that I knew but forgot.

Now we all have an blank book before us entitled "2009"...to fill however we choose. We make our story read however we want. Yes some things happen to us that are out of our control. But how we react to them, and what we take away from them is what we do have control over.

Each month I will try to make some changes that I think I need to make...for myself, my family, for my little part of the world. I will write my story. I don't know what the chapters will hold. But although January is cold and gray it's a fresh start.

Tonight's Dinner...Sweet & Sour Pork

2008-12-16T21:17:00.006-05:00

I am not the most outstanding cook in the world but I do make some good stuff and people do ask for recipes all the time. So I have decided that now and again I will post a recipe when I make it, if I think it's worth sharing.

Tonight's recipe came about since my 2nd refrigerator/freezer conked out on us with not one but two pork roasts in the freezer. So since they had both defrosted I could not refreeze them. So last night it was Pulled Pork in the crockpot and tonight it was Sweet and Sour Pork. I was considering making a pork roast as part of Christmas Day dinner...uh not anymore. I will have to rethink that one. So here's what was for dinner tonight. Everyone liked it (amazing 'cause they hate when I try new stuff) except Shorty of course. He had Taquitos. For your listening pleasure...one of my favorite Christmas songs...for my favorite guy who always says he likes what I cook. Even if he stands over me now and then to make sure I am doing it right. xo

Sweet & Sour Pork

2lbs boneless pork loin

1/2 c flour

1/4 c cornstarch

1/2 cup cold water

1/2 tsp salt

1 egg

1 can (20 oz) pineapple chunks in syrup; drained and syrup reserved

1/2 c packed brown sugar

1/2 cup white vinegar

1/2 tsp salt

2 tsp soy sauce

2 medium carrots cut into thin diagonal slices

1 garlic clove finely chopped

2 TBL spoons cold water

1 medium bell pepper cut into 3/4 inch pieces

Hot cooked rice

1. Trim excess fat from pork; cut into 3/4 inch pieces

2. Heat 1 inch of oil in deep fryer or dutch oven

3. Beat flour, 1/4 cornstarch, 1/2 cold water, 1/2 tsp salt, and the in egg in a large bowl until smooth. Stir pork into batter until well coated.

4. Add pork pieces on at a time to the oil. Fry 20 pieces at a time for about 5 minutes turning 2-3 times until golden brown. Drain on paper towels; keep warm

5.Add enough water to reserved pineapple syrup to measure 1 cup. heat syrup mixture, brown sugar, vinegar, 1/2 tsp salt, soy sauce, carrots and garlic to boiling in a dutch oven. Then reduce heat to low.

6. Cover and simmer about 6 minutes or until carrots are crisp-tender. Mix 2 TBL spoons cornstarch and 2 TBL spoons cold water; stir into sauce.

7. Add pork, pineapple and pepper. heat to boiling sirring constantly. Boil and stir for 1 minute.

Serve with rice.

Prep Time: 25 min
Total Time: 55 min
Makes: 8 servings (about 2 cups each)

Christmas mess...

2008-12-02T21:59:00.013-05:00

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." -- Andy Rooney

I know another quote. I can't resist. But I love that. It takes so long to get ready. Clean up from Thanksgiving. Put away all the pumpkins, turkeys and anything orange. Then clean the house again and set up all the Christmas decorations. Takes me a good week to get the inside done. With this being our third Christmas in this house I think I remember this year where things go. There's something oddly comforting for me to have the same hole in the molding from last year to tack up my garland.

I guess like many people I dream of that perfectly decorated home at Christmas. You know the one with the perfect snow outside that no one had run across. The beautiful greenery around the massive double front doors with each light placed perfectly around them. Inside a 20 foot tree with each branch decorated perfectly with beads, glass ornaments, and lights. Presents underneath with matching ribbons and bows. No SpongeBob wrapping paper here.

Though I may strive for that or at least some of that every year, I probably will never totally achieve it. But I am not sure that deep down I really want to.

I hang many of the school creations from years past. I still have cotton ball Santas that the Diva made in nursery school and she is in 10th grade. There's a Santa made from a paintbrush happily looking at me from my tree as I type this. Tonight Shorty demonstrated his new skill of cutting snowflakes from paper that he learned in art class today. He then proceeded to make a snowstorm that we covered the family room windows with. And I love them. They are not from Fortunoff. They are not expensive or crystal encrusted. But they are one of a kind. And they were made with love. They probably won't appear on the cover of some snooty catalogue. But, they will appear again next year when I open the Christmas storage tub containing kids' creations.

So this year as they open their gifts on Christmas morning I won't run for the big black garbage bag right away. I will just sit in their glorious mess and admire the snowstorm taped to my windows.

Don't Hunch Your Back with Yesterday

2008-11-20T14:50:00.006-05:00

I just added that quote to my quote list. I just read it in an article about the person certain famous people were inspired by. That quote was from Danny Thomas, as told to his daughter.

I didn't get it at first. But it caught my eye since I love great quotes...hence the list.

As I read and thought about it, I got it. Its about not holding grudges because they don't change the person/situation you are angry with. It only weighs you down. It eats you up makes you "hunched" over with misery.

I know someone that is going for surgery today, and it won't be pleasant. (not that any surgery is "fun" with maybe the exception of a c-section since you get a baby after but still it's not fun by any means...) But she is getting a second chance, catching the disease before it runs rampant through her body.

So what does she have to say when I call to wish her luck? She just complains on and on about her daughter in law who is coming to spend the whole day at the hospital with her. She apparently didn't call her enough times leading up to surgery day for her liking so now she is pissed at her and would just rather "go through surgery alone without anyone there".... complain complain complain....Seriously.

To quote a friend's favorite line..."Are you f-ing kidding me?" I mean don't look at the fact that your daughter in law has four kids under 7 and needs to make what I am sure amounts to a logistical nightmare for her kids so she can be there. That she will be well for Christmas and not sick and get to be with her grandsons? That she will be 100% by next October when her other son gets married? No she just holds grudges and misery. I don't think she will ever feel 100% since she cannot let go of ANYTHING.

So the lesson here for me is to not hold yesterday on my back. Though with some people and circumstances I think that's hard. But I can try. It doesn't do you any good. Funny the book club choice of the month taught that lesson too. I think when you take the time to listen....you find the answers that you need.

Courage

2008-11-15T23:03:00.016-05:00

I cannot believe I was at a wake again. This time a mom. A mom that was a friend through PTA. If you know anything about PTA you know you can find some amazing people there. (some incredibly annoying people there as well, but again another post)

This person was the first person that I met when my PTA journey began 11 years ago. She was the first person to reach out and make me feel welcome. She would always say hello if she ran into me in the store even if she didn't know my name yet. We worked together on various PTA things over the years. We would always chat, compare "mom notes" as her two children are the same age as my older two. She was just good. She was an advocate for the children of our town, and always got the job done. As the years passed I became more involved, now one of the old timers that have been around the block a few times. I've done it...from class mom to PTA President. And throughout it I remembered to treat people the way Julie treated me. I always tried to and I think I have.

She got sick about two years ago and we saw less and less of her. But then she was on the mend, back at work. Saw her a few times over the summer. Her "new" hair grew in and we joked about blondes having more fun. School started and I realized I hadn't seen her around. And on Monday I got the call. Then I knew why I hadn't seen her lately.

I couldn't coordinate with other friends on a time to go together so I went to the wake alone. The whole town was there as I knew they would be. I have never felt alone in a room full of people before. It was surreal. I just stood on the line not speaking. Just smiling at this one and that one as they made eye contact across the room. Now I am not the rock for people when they are grieving that I would like to be. I usually am of no use. I don't handle all this well. So I was scared that I would make a spectacle of myself when it was my turn to approach the casket. But I didn't. She looked at peace after being in unbearable pain. I was happy for a minute that I was able to touch her hand and say goodbye. I just turned and walked out of the funeral parlor and cried all the way home...cried for her children and her husband, all of her very sad friends. I felt in my heart what is every mother's greatest fear.

I have sort of been asked to mention her at a huge family basket ball game night we are running on Friday for the school district. The money we raise will now go towards a scholarship in her name. I have the words I should say. Someone helped me figure out what they should be. But how. How am I going to say them? Now as you can see from the thousands of words just on my blog I am not usually at a loss. I am trying to pawn it off on someone who could really be the person to do it rather than me. Cowardly I know. And I am usually not a coward. But I am scared I won't do it right, or I will break down or God knows what.

I quote..."As for you my fine friend, you are a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger you have no courage! You are confusing courage with wisdom. " ~The Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz

Am I? Confusing courage with wisdom? Do I think because I am scared to do it, that I don't know how? I do know how. I have courage. Courage to go to a wake alone where my heart broke as I waited on that line. Courage to go back to my nice warm house afterward, where my little boy was waiting for me to come home to watch an oldie but goodie on tv, and put a smile on my face so he would not know his mommy was crying. Courage to not get lost in the "what if this happens to me" and know to just be grateful for what I have and where I am. Courage to do the right thing even if it's the last thing I want to do.

So if I have to speak I will. I just hope, no I know, Julie's got my back.

State of mind...

2008-11-12T08:15:00.011-05:00

Now, with 3 kids, a husband, 3 pets and a mortgage of course I live in the 'burbs". duh.

But ah, the city. Spent the day there yesterday with my brood, since the kids were off from school. Well, actually my brood these days consists of maybe about 25 people ranging from age
mid 40's to "can't even sit up yet" but that's another story.

It was a crisp clear beautiful fall day. We took the early train in much to the dismay of sleepy commuters, we were not a quiet kind of traveling brood mind you. It was Shorty's (and some pal's) first time on the train so the excitement level was through the roof. It was Veteran's Day and many of our brave men and women in uniform were roaming around as well. Even George W. was in town.

Got in without a hitch which is saying a lot if you knew the crowd we were with. We walked to Macy's, already started getting set up for Christmas. Made my heart sing to walk in and hear Christmas music playing. I know it's WAY early, but c'mon doesn't the first song you hear each year make you smile just a little??? Santa was not there yet. (which really was o.k. even I am not ready to sit on his lap yet) he doesn't come 'til the end of the Thanksgiving Day parade remember???

We meandered over to Junior's for an early lunch. (http://www.juniorscheesecake.com/juniors_cheesecake/Juniors_Cheesecake_Home/Our_Restaurants.php
Kids got their own table and actually were really good the whole time. Maybe they were really as hungry as they all said. But they laughed and chatted with two really nice waiters who helped keep them entertained. We all had ridiculously large reubens and other various meat stacked sandwiches. Some of us had egg creams and most of us of course, had to try some famous cheese cake for dessert. Thinking about it now, reubens, egg creams and cheesecake? Can you have a more NY inspired lunch? Seriously.

Off again. A quick stop in the Nintendo store, which can be summed up as video games on steroids. A little boy's heaven on earth. Then off to really why we are there in the first place, Radio City Music Hall. I just love to walk in there. I have been several times, as have my big ones. (Shorty's first time again) but each time is as breathtaking as the one before. It has never lost it's charm. Carpeted throughout with a massive chandelier hovering overheard. And although I needed oxygen by the time I climbed the staircases to our seats, which were truly the worst seats in the house, the stage was as awesome as the first time I saw it. And honestly there isn't a bad seat in RC so we were just fine. The Christmas Spectacular was wonderful. Three D effects for the newbies in the beginning was pretty cool. Rockettes were amazing as always, still makes me want to be one for a minute like I did when I was little.

We headed straight to the train after the show, to the complaining of some disgruntled short people who needed to go into Toys R Us. (I mean, is it ever enough? My only complaint of the day). Home in the house by 6:00 pm to eat turkey soup DH made the day before. Yum. I did remember to thank my two big ones for being good sports with a day filled with little kids, they made me proud as always.

These are the days that remind me why I never want to move. Yes, I live in one of the most expensive places in the U.S., my taxes are enough to make you want to run screaming into the night.

But I have the Big Apple a short train ride away. I can be at the ocean in 30 minutes by car. I can take a weekend drive and see the most amazing fall foliage ever. So why would I go?

I know people that have moved away. And I listen to how the weather is so great...I'm sorry swimming on Christmas day is weird. I would rather go sledding and I hate winter! And yes I know boys carry your groceries to your car and won't accept a tip. I am lucky if I get my stuff bagged at the register. (and they are too slow and do it wrong most of the time anyway)

But you know what? I can get an egg cream if I want. (some people don't even know what that is..poor souls) I can shop for ANYTHING I want. I can lay at the edge of the Atlantic Ocean and take the sun in the morning and be sitting in a Broadway theatre by the evening.

So keep your constant sunshine and your carried for you groceries. I would take carrying my own bags in the shadow of the greatest city in the world any day over that.

Angels in Disguise

2008-11-07T09:00:00.009-05:00

I never talk much about babies. I am done with that part of my life. Diapers, bottles, disrupted sleep. I joke now that I am done, like stick a fork in me I am done.

I guess having Shorty so long after the other two were independent was hard a lot of times. Dragging him around to all the big kids things when I just wanted him to be able to be home like they were when they were younger. And I guess when I finally had a little bit of freedom, when he was in school and now in school full time I never wanted to go back to being stuck. Stuck in the house, not being able to do lunch with the girls, not showering til 3:00 in the afternoon. All those things I was not happy about when I got myself "stuck" again six years ago.

SIX years ago. Where did that time go? For awhile now I have been afraid that I wished it away. Too much complaining and not enough being in the moment.

Yesterday I was holding a little fellow that I know during a breakfast with the girls. He is the kind of guy that you just want to take a bite out of, big blue eyes and all. As we chatted all 8 of us a mile a minute an older woman walked by our table. She looked me holding him and mouthed..."just love him". Guess she must've thought he was mine. I smiled and said I know.

As I thought about my day later on, I thought I did love them. I mean of course I love them but I did love it. Loved that baby smell, that little diaper butt, feeding them a bottle and finding them staring at my face and when I looked down they would smile and dribble formula all over the place. The serious LOUD jumping in the exersaucer, baby food jars in the cabinet, the sound of the baby mobile playing a lullaby over the baby monitor. I have been afraid that because I don't miss it I have wished it away. I don't miss it. Not in the sense that I want it back. I just think now that when I hold a baby or walk down the baby aisle in the supermarket that feeling I get is not dread. It's a tug at my heart to remind me of how wonderful it all was and how lucky I was to have happy healthy babies to love.

I love my life now and where we are at as a family. I can have grown up deep conversations with these two teenagers that live with me. And I know they are the same two lumps folded up in a tight little receiving blanket that I held in the middle of the night. I have a 6 year old that blows me away with the insightful questions he asks. The same baby that during the first time I fed him in the hospital at 2:00 am, as we sat there in that very dimly lit room, and I told him well you certainly aren't a Bianca ( I was convinced he was going to be a girl) he slowly blinked his eyes and I swear moved closer into my arms and smiled. As if to say, "Nope I'm me and it's nice to meet you."

So thanks to that little baby muffin I held in the diner yesterday. And thanks to that lady who walked by. Thanks for reminding me what has always been in my heart. Thank you, angels in disguise. (and also to the one that inspired this post...you know who you are)

There's that "change" thing again...

2008-11-06T20:23:00.004-05:00

Seems I write a lot about change lately. How I really don't like it, try to resist it. But know in my heart of hearts there ain't a dam thing I can do about it.

This year is almost over. And not only have I faced a lot of personal change..now our country had embraced change. Seems to be the theme of the year. Change is really staring me in the face now. As usual I approach change with trepidation. I am usually a black and white person. Meaning that's how I see things...not gray. But for the first time I am kinda gray. Not sure about the direction my country is going in..hopeful I suppose but not sure. My children as usual teach me what I need to know.

They live in a household of a certain political party, which is to say, that even though we vote one way, we are usually considerate of other people's views, and have taught them to respectfully agree to disagree. They also have four grandparents that are f-a-r to one side. I guess they have been predisposed to lean to a certain side. So they were upset with the "outcome". So I tried to explain to them that no American wants harm to come to our country and everyone wants what's best. Then I said it. "Change is good." "I think right now we needed it. Maybe we needed to have the apple cart shook up for some reason. " To which they responded, Well Mom, like you say everything happens for a reason". (don't you hate when your own words come back to bite you in the ass??) So I ease their worry and promise when they wake up tomorrow life will go on. And it did.

So I guess my year of change has culminated with the mother of all change. I am really hoping for some good status quo for 2009. I think status quo gets a bad rap sometimes. Although I don't like change I do remain forever hopeful. I really have become the glass half full kind of gal. So maybe I will just stay in the gray zone for awhile. It's a happy place for me. For now.

Not Good-bye pal...

2008-10-13T21:36:00.006-04:00

Tonight I said "til next time" to a bunch of my favorite people. Our friends the "Mc's" leave for their new life in Georgia a week from today.

So we got the families together for dinner tonight. Just pizza, beer, wine...kept it easy. If you looked in the window it looked like any other time we had dinner together...all four male children glued to the Wii...eating pizza in the family room,,,jumping all over the couch and spilling soda all over the floor. Female children planted firmly at the dinner table listening and commenting on the "adult" conversation. We talked about Georgia, the schools, the new house, re-finishing old wood floors. We laughed at old jokes, ranted like PTA moms do about school stuff the usual. Then it was time for them to go.

The kids are so well adjusted. They are ready for the adventure. Their mom prepared them well...and I think they are looking forward to it. So if we do such a good job preparing our children what they heck happens to us? How come we can't part with smiles on our face happy to be embarking on a new life and happy for our friend as they go? Where did all the laughing we were just doing go as we crumble into pieces at the door, not wanting this to really to be happening. It was much easier living in denial...thinking Oct 20th was so far away. But it's here. This was the goodbye we wanted. Quiet. Not with all the hoopla of going away parties and people trying to be the one that "will miss them the most". Our families, together just being ourselves..like we have for the past ten years. Not a good-bye either...a "we will see you in 8 weeks when you are back for Christmas."

I just wish....

~goodbyes weren't so hard

~ things can just stay the same when they are so good

~everyone could know a person as truly good as my dear "B"

~I will always be the kind of friend she deserves

I hope stupid Georgia (which is how I refer to it now...never really gave the state much thought but now it's stupid) knows what they are getting. I know. They are getting my sounding board, my shining example of how to be a good person through and through, my understanding look from across a room without having to say a word, my family backyard camp outs, my nudge in the arm letting me know I am doing a good job. My unconditional friend. My low maintenance friend...my give and take friend. My angel on my shoulder...who I taught how to "weed the garden", and put herself first once in a blue moon. One of the many in her fan club. Even though I am so sad, I am happy. I am lucky to have her as my friend and no amount of miles can erase that. We may not be able to grab an hour or two at the diner with a minutes notice, be we will always have each other. Yes it will be different but it will not fade. And I am thankful, for all that she taught me, her love for my family and for sharing her family with me. So we start a new chapter in our life. We will make it good. (there I go trying to embrace change again..and I still do not like it by the way)

Self worth

2008-09-27T16:26:00.006-04:00

Where does self-worth come from? Does it come from some magical place inside us like I have heard? Or do we need to be validated from outside our "souls". I don't know.

I "used to" work. I was very much needed where I worked. I was good at what I did. My job was part of who I was. I knew what the stock market was doing, I looked at it everyday. I had to read certain parts of the Wall Street Journal every morning. I wore suits and stockings and high heels. I had a lunch hour, 6 weeks paid vacation, and a sports car. Then I had a baby. I worked right up until one week before I gave birth ( not planned..early arrival!) I thought I could be a "working" mom. I really did. My mother did it, never seemed to phase her. I can remember the day I went back to work after maternity leave. I cried the whole way there. I hated my desk, the stock market and most everyone I worked with. I watched the clock all day and sprinted out when the day was done. I spent my lunch hour shopping for baby clothes in expensive North Shore shops. I felt guilty all the time. Resented my poor father who was my full time free babysitter. He did such a great job, but I was mad at him for being home with her.

So enter the SAHM (Stay at home mom). I finally felt normal. When working full time in my neighborhood made me feel like a leper. We were poor as shit but happy. Going from a two income to a one commission based income was a shocker to say the least. But we did it we managed. DH's business grew and grew until we got to where it was good. Very good really. So I went about my SAHM career. Took my kids to preschool, library classes, the park, the beach, did crafts, played games, made dinner all the good things the good mommy does.

Why now do the tides seem to be changing? I know I have a High Schooler but I still have a first grader. I still need to do spelling homework right after school, drive everyone all over the planet in the window of 2-6 p.m., be the PTA president of yet a third child's school, clean my house, do my laundry, food shop, cook dinner etc. etc. etc. So why am I made to feel that since my "work" doesn't come with a paycheck it's not real or important? And that someday I will have to get a real job again (why??) and then I will count. Then people will think I do something all day, as all the behind the scenes work somehow gets done on its own.

It bothers me I guess because when I decided to become a mom, I put any career or what I want to be when I grow up aspirations on a shelf. Not that you have to. There are plenty of great moms that work outside the home. I salute them. I am not cut from that cloth. I thought I could come back to it later on...someday. But I am finding someday doesn't really come. Because my children need me. Even though they are all pretty much self sufficient. "Mom can you bring this up to school?" "Mom, I hope you are going to be my class mom this year" "Mom can you drive so and so home otherwise she will have to walk home in the dark" "Mom can you bake 300 cookies for my bake sale...tomorrow?" I need to able to say yes to all this. I know they are lucky. They don't even know how lucky they are. That's ok, they shouldn't. This should be normal for them.
This is where I should be. They are my job. Their academic success, their good behavior, their content safe life is my paycheck. And there will come a day when they all will be driving and not need me so much for the every day. And that's ok. Then I know I would have been successful at my "job".

So to all who may comment on any SAHM's lack of work, or lack of worth...think again. I may be able to make a career dream come true someday. And if it doesnt happen then it wasn't meant to be. But I have one shot at this mom job. I am doing it the best I can. And that validates me right now. A mom is part of who I am. Not all of who I am but a huge part. And you know what I know for sure? I am dam good at it.

Learning from change...

2008-09-14T21:42:00.005-04:00

Change is inevitable. A few posts ago I said I don't like change but will learn to go with it because there's nothing I can do to stop it. Well someone heard and decided to put me to the test.

In that time I have lost someone I loved to cancer, and one of my dearest friends is moving away to another state and then my best friends tell me they can't go on vacation as planned(which stinks) because their kids may be sick (which really stinks) and need to attend to that. A few days ago it all felt like really too much to bear. I had a couple poor me moments I must admit.

But that being said, I am really trying this "accepting" change for what it is. It's not easy, at least not for me. Although accepting change will be very hard for me at least I can try to see what I can learn from it. Maybe that will make it easier.

From losing someone, I learn that time is short and live each moment to the fullest. I guess I really knew that anyway but it's a harsh reminder. Maybe now I will choose my battles, especially with my husband and children. Be a better person. To see that funeral home filled to the brim with people, lined up to say goodbye to their friend was amazing. We never know really how many people's lives we touch when we live to be good to those to enter into ours.

From a friend leaving, I learn not to fill everyday with to do's. Have lunch, take a walk, sit on the beach, go shopping. Just be. Be together when you can and make keeping connected a priority. Friends are the family we choose. And now maybe I know a little why I am so lucky to have made so many new good friends. I was going to need them to lean on, to laugh with and to make new memories with. And miles can't erase a friendship. And I don't just make friends, I collect them. Yes, collect them. I don't plan on getting rid of any.

And not to take good health for granted. I remember on my wedding video when the guy went around to everyone at the reception and taped their good wishes for us. And so many people said "we wish you good health" ( or "gooood elth" in broken English...gotta be Italian to appreciate that) and I thought that was weird. What an odd thing to say. Now I get it. I hope all those good health wishes stick "til we are 105...

Sometimes change is great. Sometimes we dread it. Sometimes we wait with happy anticipation for it. Sometime it comes up and smacks us in the face when we weren't looking. But it's always coming. Learn to embrace it? Yeah well maybe in another lifetime. For now I may just shake it's hand and hope it doesn't knock me off my feet.

We remember

2008-09-11T10:41:00.007-04:00

Our family remembers. God Bless America.

Good bye Uncle Phil

2008-09-03T21:50:00.009-04:00

Our family lost one of our best yesterday. Uncle Phil was everyone's friend. Although he is my DH's uncle I have known him since I am 16 years old and he was and always will be my uncle too. He made me feel like part of the family from the day I met him. He was always there with a joke or a smile. He called me "Clara" just to bug me, hated when we used too many napkins and was a golf buddy to all the guys in the family. He was a wonderful husband. Loved his wife you could tell. They are a great example of what a married couple should be. A great father to his three children and their spouses. A proud grandfather of three who will now grow up without their Papa to show them the way. The baby brother in his family and a son who's mother had to experience the one thing that is every mother's greatest fear. I know his wake and funeral will be standing room only and I know he will be looking down and loving it. We will laugh and cry and walk down memory lane many times in the next few days. Italian funerals are an experience all their own. Unfortunately I have been to several so I am a seasoned professional. I will miss him dearly and still can't believe he is gone. There will be a hole in our family now. I know someday we will not hurt as much. And we all have been smiling through our tears as we speak of him. He will look out for all of us from heaven. We miss you already Uncle Phil and I can't begin to think of all the napkins we'll use on Saturday. I felt him looking over my shoulder at all the tissues I used last night. Rest in peace and I am sure your golf score will be fantastic now! Til we meet again.

And to my friends....if your husband is on your nerves this week, let him off the hook. Time is too short. Ask my Aunt Julie.

September...do you remember?

2008-09-01T21:32:00.008-04:00

Yes it's September. OK I said it. I am ok about it though. We had the last "Monday Night at the Beach" night tonight. Did it with bang this time dinner and all..Fun.

So goodbye.......

~ To my "Summer Song"...(I have had it by now listening to it every time I check my blog)

~ "Monday night at the Beach"

~ Lazy mornings

~ my pool

~ Watering all my flowers

~ Dirty pool towels

~ No socks to wash

~ my uniform (bathing suit and coverup)

~ drinks on the deck

~ kickball 'til the street lights come on

~ eating tomatoes off the vine

~ bare feet

~ marshing mallows

Hello...

~homework

~falling leaves

~Autumn clothes...love them!

~Halloween

~My anniversary

~Comfort food for dinner

~fires in the fireplace...

One can always find the best in any situation. And now I have finally come to realize that I can't stop things from changing. I don't think I'm that good with change. I like things they way they are when they are good. Summer is good. But summer's over. Well not really for 20 more days..but it's over in spirit. I am ok with it. A little melancholy? Sure. The beginning of school always make makes me that way. All my kiddies are another year older. Even the "baby" is in a real number grade now..1st! Wow.

So you can't stop change. I have to learn to go with it. So going forward I will try. I will say goodbye to summer. With no regrets. It was a blast. I smile when I think about the fun we had. The memories we made.

And I look forward to September. Maybe taking it one month at a time is a better approach rather than seasonal.

So hello September. First exciting day of school, Junior will be 13 on Friday. (two teenagers in my house now...yikes!), first day of Autumn, trip to a dude ranch with family and friends, apple picking, mums to plant.

Yeah, I can do this.

Homebound Day Eight

2008-08-25T17:33:00.003-04:00

Monday - We are sad to go...at least the weather's not nice today so it makes it a little easier to leave. Easy friends are the best. We finish eachother sentences, can laugh about things without saying a word, act silly like we did when we were young, enjoy eachothers kids and their many different personalities. We were sad to say good-bye. Although it was more like see you later. It's only another page in the memory making we have been doing for almost 30 years. "Some day we will grow up and marry best friends"' she said. "And our kids will grow up together and be like cousins" she said. Darned if she wasn't right.

Day Seven

2008-08-25T17:07:00.004-04:00

Sunday -

Up and at 'em. Make coffee, set up beach, make breakfast. Pancakes, bacon and sausage for all. Gotta finish up all the food. Kids are good at helping to do that.

Down to the beach alone this morning. Imagine 14 people (we have some more teenage bodies laying around) and I am alone at the beach? Wow. Started the book I brought finally. When you are away with your best friends its hard to really read your book. Its more about talking, dozing and leafing through trashy magazines while talking. So I started my book, but then got distracted by the couple canoodling in front of me. I was wondering if they realized that they were in the middle of a public beach and families were making sand castles not more than 10 feet way? As I thought to myself someone needs to throw ice water on them...the Beach God heard me. The mother of all tides came in and drown them. Everything they had with them almost went out into the ocean. And mind you the water stopped about two feet in front of my "encampment". They were pissed and judging by the dirty look I got from her, didnt appreciate my laughing out loud. So I buried myself in my book as they moved behind me and probably make faces behind my back!

The tide continued and by 12 we had packed it in after our blanket got a soaking. Sleeping teenagers with iPods blasting in their heads did not think it was very funny either. For some reason I did again.

Grandma A and Grandpa J came with lunch after that. G'pa J even joined the I ate a Bug Club before he left.

Me and DH made dinner tonight so MC could chat with his parents. After Chicken Cutlet Parmesan, spaghetti and garlic bread....we left the mess so we could see our last sunset at the dock. Mr. Golden Sun did not disappoint. We took group pictures, oohed and aaahed then we got ice cream (duh). Then one last group dip in the hot tub, yes we allowed kids in with us tonight. And we even serenaded eachother with our new vacation song about food and other things that rhyme with baloney, affectionately now known as the Chic-Mac song. Dancer Girl added some moves we may have a top ten hit on our hands.

All in all we agreed that no one was ready to go home. We could have done ten days. This was one of our favorite trips so far.

P's and the B's FI 2008....Friends Forever....!

Day Six...Crickets anyone?

2008-08-25T16:46:00.008-04:00

Saturday ~ Perfect weather again...I cannot believe it.

Babs and Company came out this morning bringing much anticipated bagels. Delicous biscotti made by Kathleen. Yum. Ate breakfast with everyone at the house then spent the day on the beach. Chatting with my pal, catching up on life as the waves break at our feet.

We made them stay for lunch, made again by the hubbys. All the best things...mozzarella sticks, nachos, bagel bites, quesadillas...children descended..food dissappeared. Man that sea air makes kids hungry.

The G's arrived promptly after Babs and Co. departed. ( and yes Kath we did find your bra!!! lol)made the kids' dinner then out with DH, BFF, MC and the G's to Bocce Beach. Again service nothing to write home about though we got a nice table on the outside deck amongst all the action. Then met up with all the kids up to town to listen to the band on the dock. Found them dancing to the music! And holy moly what happened to the quiet??? I think 5000 more people came over on the ferry between Fri. and Sat. Town was HOPPING to say the least. Fun though.

After we got the kids we were on a mission. Eat a cricket. Not me. No can do. I would have thrown up. The candy store will give you a pin as pictured at the top, and take your picture and put it on the wall of fame. So the brave ones were DH, DD, Junior, ( me and Shorty said no thanks), MC, Dancer Girl and Kellster. Ugh. So if you ever happen by that store look for the mugs on the wall. You will never find me there. Maybe the ice cream place will put my picture on the wall for most mint chocolate chip cones?

Day Five

2008-08-25T16:28:00.005-04:00

Friday - Up and at 'em early again. So quiet here. I just set up the coffee pot and go sit outside on the deck. I will start breakfast once I hear stirring inside.

After my coffee, I am off to the beach to claim the spot. I kinda got stuck with this job but I think I am enjoying it. I mean climbing up and down those steps 6 times bringing down the chairs and umbrellas to set up reminds me how out of shape I am. But I love to be there alone for awhile. Not many people down there early..too many people in OB stay up late partying so they don't get down to the beach 'til later. Fine by me. I talk with the first lifeguard to arrive for work, since he was wondering what I did wrong to my group to get set up duty every morning. Cute one too. Kind that makes you want to throw yourself into the riptide....just kidding. I digress. A couple walking their dog who runs up to me to say hello shaking his salty wet fur at me, an older man with his trusty metal detector, a jogger or two...and the sound of the waves. Can I ask what is better than dozing to that sound? Mind you I have only gotten up an hour or so ago. I am so relaxed here I barely have a pulse. lol

Mr. & Mrs. T arrive in the late afternoon. Back to the beach again to sit for awhile. Dinner, kids painting their seashells, drinks on the deck..notice a pattern here? Walked the T's to the boat and had yet another ice cream cone run. Have I mentioned that having a mint chocolate chip chocolate sprinkled cone every night can make you a better person? It works, really it does. Bed late tonight as we had to wait for the "boys" to come home at 1 a.m. made friends with a bunch of other kids and were off doing what they do. No I don't want to know so I did not ask.

Day Four

2008-08-25T16:10:00.004-04:00

Thursday - Another gorgeous day. I am the first one up again. I can't sleep late but it's ok. I seem to just wake up before 7:00 everyday. Went down to the beach to claim "our spot" again. We have moved closer to the stairs since we have lots of stuff to carry up and down those stairs. Jellyfish again today. They seem to go away later in the day. But they are gross washed up on the shore. ick. Spent the day on the beach with the whole gang. We have quite a set up all of us. No company today.

We went to the Hideaway for dinner; kids stayed home and ordered pizza and watched a movie. Dinner was so good but the service was less that good. Doesn't really matter though. We were not in a hurry. I am in for a rude awakening when the hurrying starts next week. Had the "in" Island drink ~ Rocket Fuel ~ which is a Pina Colada with an Amaretto floater...not impressed. But now I can say I drank one. Who is cooler than me?

Back home into the hot tub again. Too hot tonight. I think we boiled ourselves. I cant wait to sleep in my bed. I like it better than my bed at home. So I step over sleeping teenagers and make my way upstairs to the "parent's section" as Shorty calls it. Another happy beach day.

Day Three

2008-08-25T15:51:00.005-04:00

Wednesday - Adults in the hot tub til 1:30 a.m. last night...without any child interruptions..imagine that? Beached it in the morning and the dads came back early to set up lunch for everyone. What will I do when I get back to the mainland and I am required to cook again? lol Had lunch then met the met Master Chef's sister and brood at the dock. Went back to the beach then had a BBQ back here at night. Beach and food...my idea of a good time. The girls arrived on a later ferry...arrived they did. Whew. What is it about girls? They are a whirlwind to say the least. Eldest Daughter brought a friend while Eldest Son's friend is here to sleep too. Good thing kids don't care where they sleep. They are everywhere, but I guess that's the fun of it. After the "brood" went back on the ferry with distruction in their wake...DH,Master Chef,BFF and I went out for drinks. BFF was very stressed out from the visit so we needed alcohol. The most beautiful sunset so far was last night. Takes your breath away. And with the backdrop of home in the background makes it heaven.

Day Two

2008-08-25T15:31:00.004-04:00

Tuesday - Another beautiful beach day! 2 for 2 amazing! Up early and down to the beach by 8:00 with Shorty the Shell Hunter and DH. We walked for "towns" collecting shells. Then sat for awhile reading, playing the sand. Parents ventured over for a day trip, their first time here. They loved it. If the Big Guy wins lotto a beach house may be in my future. (keep your fingers crossed). The whole gang hung on the beach for a few hours. Then some went for ice cream, others napped while MC started cooking an early dinner of ribs and chicken, corn and salad. DH made everyone strawberry tequilla daquiris and virgins for the kiddies while they soaked in the hot tub again, along with homemade onion dip and chips (Master Chef again). Took the parents back to the boat to go back to the Mainland. Then we shopped (gotta buy the sweatshirts) had pizza and Shorty played on the playground with the sun setting over the bridge in the background. Who needs the Carribbean when paradise is right in my own backyard? Not me.

Vacation on the Island Day One

2008-08-25T15:16:00.006-04:00

Monday - Arrived to beautiful beach day. Even the boxes sent on ahead arrived with no drama as well as the groceries. Seeing as how our stay last year on the Island was full of drama..crappy weather and a "gift" when we got home this time it's so far so good. The house is better than BFF and I remembered. Just perfect. The hubbys were impressed too! After about three hours it looked like we were here for weeks! Checked out "town" and walked on the beach. Started the shell collecting with the little ones. Back to the house for dinner. The Master Chef (from now on lovingly referred to as MC) made his famous skirt steak fajitas. He would give you the recipe but then he would have to kill you. To die for. This all was done while the moms took a nap! Ate too much, fajitas, chips and salsa, two kinds of rice and beans, but we were starving as no one ate much all day, during set up. Kids lounged in the hot tub while we sat and had Coronas on the deck. Little ones passed out early(the couch in the living room's the kind you sit on and instantly fall asleep.) Then all the grownups passed out on it watching the Olympics. lol Everyone's bedrooms are great, comfy beds, tv's, A/C we may never go back to the Mainland!

40 for the last day....

2008-08-14T16:56:00.006-04:00

That's it. Now I am officially in my 40's. Tomorrow's the big 4-1.

It's ok though. Some people freak out about being 40ish. I don't. I kinda like it. I think it suits me.

I didn't have a wild 20's decade. It was great...I mean, engaged, married, a baby, bought house had another baby, had great friends, became a stay at home mom all before I was 30. Not too shabby. But I don't have any of those crazy stories about all the wild stuff I did when I was 20something. I had fun don't get me wrong. I guess I have a few stories and maybe scratched an itch or two so to speak. But sometimes I listen to people my age go on and on about how crazy they were when they were 20ish. I think yeah I had a baby by 25...no bar hopping for me.

30's were great times too. I had a new hometown that I loved. (and still do) Another baby, another house. Made some more spectacular new friends. All good. But predictable I suppose. Did what most 30somethings I hung around with did, took care of my kids, made dinners, helped with homework, joined the PTA.

I am just wondering what the 40's will hold. Will it all be predictable? Or will I make things happen. I don't know. Somedays I am ready to take on the world and other days I am just plain tired! ( and all these 40ish aches and pains....grr!) The day before a birthday feels like New Years eve to me. Plans to do things better the coming year. The whole list of "to do's" in my head. I enjoy my actual birthday-day though. Even if it's not a biggie and nothing special is going on. I am a Leo...don't you know it's all about me? lol

But 40's are so far so good. Granted it has only been 365 days in, but good never the less. I may actually have more "stories" from my 40th year than my counterparts do about their entire 20's. (yikes!) Having built in babysitters (see above baby after baby in my 20's...) helps a lot. They get a few bucks and we get to go out and act 20 once in awhile or even go act like grown ups sometimes too! It also helps that I know who I am now, and I am happy where I'm at. It's right about where I thought I would be.

So happy birthday eve to me. Guess I will have to wait and see what my 40's brings.

I am still leaving my summer song on. It makes me feel good. I was not "sipping whiskey out the bottle" in '89, I was planning my engagement party but I still jam to it now and if I want, go buy my own dam whiskey and drink it myself. (ick....not) Ok maybe a bottle of wine in my fancy birthday wine glass then.

Bats in my Belfry

2008-07-27T10:52:00.004-04:00

Some people may say that about me. Now it's somewhat true. After laughing about stories of the G's next door, who seem to attract bats in their house in the middle of the night. We got a visit last night. DH watching TV at 2:00 a.m. and sees something at the corner of his eye. Is it a bird again? Yes I said again.

A little background... Smudge Patrick, the cat that thinks he is a dog brought in a beaten (but apparently still alive)crow the size of a Thanksgiving turkey two mornings ago. Thankfully hubby got up first and I just woke to the sound of the vacuum running at 6:30 am. Hubby told me not to even come down, but of course I did luckily for me to only the sight of feathers all over the whole first floor. He told me I did not want to know what he found. I did not ask. I don't do birds. I don't hate them. I mean I used to feed them before I had cats that like to eat them. I definitely do not like them indoors. Flying in the sky is fine...outside as long as they keep their distance.

So back to this morning....he thinks again a freakin' bird? I will kill that cat (who he does not really like in the first place). Then he turns on the lamp...oh no it's a bat. Nudges me...wake up. C'mon I think what the heck with the light on...we just got home at 12:30 am...now he REALLY nudges me..."uh..Hun there's a bat in here!"

What follows is a blur... screaming under my covers...threats to get the hell up and get it out of here before someone is killed...then a revelation. I am outta here. I grab my comforter throw it over my head and run out of the room slamming the door behind me. Leaving poor Bat Man lying pretty much unclothed in the bed with no covers and a bat flying around. That's a mental image huh? So I am not proud to say I hid in daughter dear's room on the floor. Thankfully he was not as freaked out as me. Although he did invite Smudge a.k.a. CatDog who he normally does not want in our room to come to his aid. (Smudge killed a bat a few weeks ago and left it as a gift on the front walkway...yummy) He got the pool skimmer and caught it and threw it out the window through the screen. The skimmer, the screen and I hope not the bat still lie on the side of the house. I am not checking. I will skim the pool with my hand if I must.

So my Bat Man saved the day. Gotta love that guy.

The Tooth Fairy wuz here...

2008-07-23T08:47:00.004-04:00

Yes. She was here last night. First time for Shorty. I forgot how exciting it is at night, as you try to fall asleep waiting for her to come.

Although it may be a little nerve wracking. Shorty had a bit of a hard time falling asleep until most of his questions were answered. How does she get in? Will she wake me up? Is she going to touch me? "Leave my door open tonight, and if you hear her you can tell her I said thanks!"

Much to his delight he awoke to "fairy dust" on his window sill and all over his pillow...and even a few "dollars".

So yes she was here indeed. She will keep her fairy dust at the ready, just in case....

Did I mention I love summer?

2008-07-14T22:44:00.003-04:00

I do. You're hearing my new favorite song again from my friend J.M. ( I can't find it on Itunes yet pal so you can listen here for now)

Yeah summer. Yeah flip flops even if they are bad for your feet. Yeah no bedtimes. Yeah beach at night.

I need to bottle this for February. Ick don't even want to say the "W" word. Yuck

Rock on JM

Know what's good?

2008-07-01T14:52:00.005-04:00

Now don't get me wrong..I love diamonds, convertible BMW's, and pedicures as much as the next gal.

But what's really good? Being at the town beach at sunset, a stone's throw from my house, hearing a (quite large) bunch of kids playing football on the sand, swimming in the bay and making sand creations, while me and my girls (most of them anyway) sit on a beach blanket talking about chick flicks, songs that make us cry and hair color. And in the background the laughter of some of my favorite dads as they talk guy talk. Just being. Being a relaxed mom, caring friend, loving wife and all at the same time even!

Peaceful. Content. That's what's good. And I know someday I will miss this. But for now it's good.

This one's for you girls.....

Summer Time and The Living is Easy

2008-06-29T10:38:00.009-04:00

Finally. It's Summer. Looking back at wintertime blogging I am surprised I made it to the summer..lol.

This is my week to breathe. Although school officially ended on Wed. I have had family staying here for a week so now the bed and breakfast is closed too.

So this week sleeping as late as you want everyday is allowed. Coming into Mom's bed after Daddy has left for work is strongly encouraged. (even the kids that are bigger than me). Coming downstairs before Mom and eating Oreo's for breakfast is really not allowed but is overlooked (this week only). Pool in place of a shower is ok maybe every other day. (chlorine kills germs). We have rekindled our friendship with the ice cream man who so nicely drives ever so s-l-o-w-l-y down our block so that in case you need to jump up and down 37 times to get your parent out in the front to buy ice cream, you won't miss him. Isn't that nice of him?

Deciding whats for dinner 30 minutes before we want to have dinner. And then maybe just going to the diner at like 7:00 (so late for dinner we are such rebels!) and then going down to the town beach 'til after it gets dark taking goofy pictures. It's wonderful. Then next week it's not like it will be back to the routine. VBS starts so we have to be up at a certain time. But our biggest worry will be when is water day so we remember to bring a towel. "Camp" is peppered in throughout July..but nothing major...just fun stuff for a few hours a day. August is open. One week in FI...with abundant sunshine this year and no burglars thank you very much.

Lazy mornings and even lazier evenings.

"Marshing mallows" on the fire pit,wet towels everywhere but no socks to wash! The smell of sunblock and bug spray, chlorine, salt water, warm air. Seagulls, sand on your feet, sand in your hand...little sanded kids that look like chicken cutlets, dogs and little boys with summer haircuts,spring planting finally coming to life, fresh cut lawns, kickball in the street 'til the street lights come on. Delicious. Normally I would NOT use that word to describe anything but food...but it's the first word that comes to mind when I think of all that. I plan to throw myself into it. Up to my eyeballs in it all even.

So when September comes I will be looking forward to new pencils, notebooks and school clothes. And some September solitude. But right now that seems light years aways...now it's Summer. Yipppeee!

Hubby

2008-06-18T18:53:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was my DH's birthday. As usual he wanted nothing. Though he does want a GPS for his car which we will go buy in the near future. But as he is an avid reader of my blog and will eventually read this. So for your birthday...here are the top ten reasons why I love you. (there are of course much more but these are the top ten)

10. You can make me laugh like no one else. Especially when I am trying to fall asleep and you remember something you forgot to tell me when I was vertical.

9. You only know how to tell dirty jokes. And sometimes I even find them funny.

8. You are a great dad. No frills, no big show. Just honest, fair, generous (to a fault sometimes).

7. Everyone loves you. Really I don't know of many ( or any?) people that don't like you. It used to annoy me when I was younger but now it's something I admire

6. You give the BEST massages. And even though I hate to give them, you never turn me down. And yes I know you usually have ulterior motives but I'm easy.

5. You're a flirt and usually shamlessly flirt with other women who are unable to resist your charm. But I know at the end of the day who has your heart.

4. You're the real deal. The TP other people see is the one I know. No pretenses, no put on, just real.

3. You will help anyone. And I mean anyone. And even though sometimes in the past I would get mad because I felt someone was taking advantage of you, you assured me that it was ok and "it's what you do".

2. You have called me "hun" since we were 17 years old and it was really not cool to call your girlfriend that and even though your friends made fun of you (remember volleyball) you didn't care.

1. You love me in spite of my mood swings, times when I flip out, when I am afraid, when I am not a perfect mom. You always have my back, and won't hesitate to tell me when I am wrong even if I strongly disagree. You have made me a better person, let's face it I am much more easygoing than say ten years ago...and that's because of you.

So let cyberspace know my top ten. I am glad you are out playing golf today since you had to work all day on your birthday.

Happy Birthday. I love you.

P.S. I forgot to mention that yesterday was Barry Manilow's birthday as well. Yeah Fanilows!

Probably make a better Interior Decorator

2008-05-31T18:21:00.007-04:00

I know what my profile and my music say...Pussycat Doll and all that.

But seriously what gets me "hot" is interior decorating. Not "Dont-cha hot" mind you. But still.

I know I have a knack as some people have told me. I know I really felt it when we remodeled our old house. To have a clean slate to work with, no one but me to decide what to buy, paint etc. was heaven. I took design classes and although they were at night during the week, I had a baby and two other kids home and some nights I was tired, but when I got to class I came alive. I could not get enough of it. I wanted to start my homework the minute I got home at 9:30 p.m. But then enter life...and I stopped taking classes. Put it on the back burner. Put all my A+ projects away along with my totally cool drafting tools and case.

We moved into this house and again a clean white (literally every wall) slate, and although 2 1/2 years later it's still a work in progress because I do have grand plans for this house I daydream about all I will do. It's like an addiction.

I am thrilled to be currently getting to use my friend's house as a guinea pig. We are painting every room, shopping for new stuff...I think I have died and went to heaven! It is my new obsession...this is what I want to do. I want to have a business like that helps everyday people who don't know where to begin when it comes to decorating their house. Not people who have unlimited budgets and aren't even involved in the process. So my friend C. is letting me pick her brain, get to know what she wants from her house. What her kids like and dislike. Her husband is even being a good sport. Although he has color-phobia he is sitting back and letting us go wild. I know they will love it. Well, I hope they will love it. Maybe they will be a first in a long line of "clients"...scary to say it out loud. (or write it as the case may be). Maybe I will grow up to be an interior decorator after all.

Music

2008-05-14T06:45:00.003-04:00

If you are hearing the Pussycat Dolls right now...No I don't think that you wish your girlfriend was hot like me...I just may want to be a Pussycat Doll when I grow up...(see profile)...there are other songs added that are other aspects of my personality...there are many sides to me in case you didn't know.

Thanks to Mrs. P, when I heard Boy George (seriously though..why?) on her blog...I needed to investigate.

Rock on.

Parenting 101

2008-05-07T08:18:00.007-04:00

LESSON #1 - "Give your kids EVERYTHING they need and MOST of what they want"

That has really been a parenting lesson that has continuously ran in the back of my mind throughout my 15 years so far of parenting. Sometimes it proves to be the hardest lesson to learn.

Sometimes I feel constantly bombarded with what "they" have and what "they" do that I second guess myself and think maybe I am not doing the right thing. It's not that my kids say "So and So has this and I want it too". There's not really any of that, mostly because my kids have heard "I don't care what so and so does/has" enough times to realize they need a better angle to ask for what they want. Not stupid kids by any means. It's the devil on my shoulder that says.."you need to get _______(fill in the blank) for Shorty(or Jr. or Herself) He needs that.

NO, HE DOES NOT! He needs me to love him. He needs positive reinforcement. He needs to read before bed. He needs to respect adults and his friends. He needs to not have that Kindergarten potty mouth the last few days.(poop this and fart that).

So for a little while I think he needs to have his own trampoline. He REALLY wants one. I try to talk myself into it. I will make sure they are safe. I will monitor all jumping. I will post signs. I will get out of having the huge kiddie party this time, buy a trampoline and have some pizza and pool for a few pals. Then I sit one night in my kitchen and watch Jr's 13 year old friend unwrap his seriously broken arm. Bones popped out, blood, pins...ugh. Did it on his trampoline. His mother is normal. She's a nurse. Nice responsible family. OK no trampoline. But in a moment of madness I told Shorty he could have one for his birthday. But in a moment of what I know was Divine Intervention..he tells me he really would rather have a karate party (he wanted one his WHOLE life didn't you know???) and maybe get a trampoline some other birthday. Whew. He wasn't going to get one but, I was not looking forward to that conversation. So I just look up and say "thanks". Sometimes God knocks you on the head (i.e. boy with broken arm) and if you still dont get it he gives you a free pass.

Fast forward to class trip. At the end the only way to escape is of course through the gift shop. Of course shop is full of sea creatures and the like that we do not need. I knew about it, and I knew that he would be allowed to get something. When his buddy picked up the largest stuffed sea creature available and announced "this is what I am getting". (priced close to $40..ugh) I think..great. We definitely do not need another stuffed animal. I brace myself for battle. But my parenting skills shine through. Shorty: "I do not need a stuffed animal...I have way too many...I think I like this, Mom."
He hands me a little package with a seashell fossill to dig out. I can be an archeologist. (reading at bedtime...) $5. Done. Kid's happy...he talks about all the sea creatures he saw today, what fun he had and how glad he was that it was me and him today. Score one for Mom.

So no to candy before dinner. (Well we did get the ice cream man before dinner the other day...we are allowed to break the rules sometimes) Inside voices a must. Cross the street only when parents are outside to watch you. Say please. Say thank you. And someday realize the times I said no, and it really made you upset, I did for you. I did it for your safety. Or maybe I did it because you really did not need anymore sugar. Or I did it because I don't want you to be a self centered person who thinks he is entitled to whatever he wants when he wants it. And that things cost money, and money is earned, not picked off trees. ( I am channeling my parents now..)And sometimes you don't get what you want. Or what you prayed for. Or what the other guy gets. But you do get parents who love you beyond measure and are proud of the boy you are and the man you will be.

I guess this parenting thing is forever a work in progress. But for all the times you may second guess yourself, it's nice to have the days that you can say...Yes! I am doing the right thing. But the right thing isn't usually the easier thing to do. That may be Lesson #2. For another day.

Happy to report...

2008-04-14T17:23:00.004-04:00

That the Kindergarten Class below mentioned has seen the error of their ways and we had a smashing Spring Party this afternoon....full of decorating beach pails with paint and stickers, and make your own ice cream sundaes...!

Life is good.

Some days it ain't easy being a parent....

2008-04-11T13:21:00.002-04:00

Today is one of them. ran around like a nut had pretty much every minute of the morning with something in it. Kind of day that if one thing goes wrong it could have the domino effect. But it was smooth sailing. Did all the errands I needed to do. Showed up where I said I would..I did think to myself "wow this day is going perfect so far" but knew I couldn't say that out loud for fear I would "jinx" myself. Now I know you can't even think it.

Did all my stuff and got Shorty's school with 2 minutes to spare, in time for the Kindergarten Spring Party. I take my class mothering very seriously. Especially since this is my last go around I want things to go how I want them to go. End of story. I was there front and center with my four gallons of ice cream for the "make your own sundaes" and the beach pails for everyone to paint for our upcoming Beach Party. Perfect. Well until we walked into the classroom. My how quiet everyone was. Busy writing not even looking up when we walked in. "Great", I think. They are being good. You see they have not been on their best behavior all week. Teacher had even send a note home informing parents that everyone has Spring Fever it seems and have been bouncing off the walls.

Now Mrs. C is an amazing Kindergarten teacher. Patience of a saint. Never raises her voice, she is fair, firm and loves those kids. I know, I requested her. Junior had her way back when he was in Kindergarten. She was practically in tears when we got there.

Apparently not only have they been misbehaving all day, seems they were really bad in the cafeteria and got a scathing report from their monitor. If we had been coming a little earlier she would have told us to stay home..no party.

So what to do? We talked in an adult huddle in the back of the room. All the moms were free on Monday should we move the party to then? None of us wanted to do it. But they really needed to learn a lesson. We agreed. She turned to the class with her voice cracking said quietly "the party is cancelled."

I can't tell you the looks on 23 little faces. Broke my heart. She made them apologize to us for having made us come for nothing. It was like getting punched in the stomach. A few put their heads down to not let anyone know they were crying. Shorty was looking at me with those huge brown eyes..which are doubly huge when he is trying not to cry. I think they were in shock. You could have heard a pin drop.Before we all lost it we had to leave. One little voice said "we are so sorry" as we were leaving.

It's bad enough when you have to teach your own children but add 22 more and it's that much more difficult. Needless to say I am shot. I feel so bad. Some days parenting stinks and this is one for the record books. Bright side is if we do the party on Monday they would have been really good so it will be that much more fun. Keeping my fingers crossed for good behavior.

If You Give A Mom A Coffee Pot

2008-03-27T08:05:00.007-04:00

So many books you read can parallel life, have a double meaning that is reflective of what goes on in a person's life. For example I was in a discussion once about how "The Wizard of Oz" is really all about life. (yes another post all together). Well I have just come to the realization that my life parallels the children's book "If You Give a Mouse A Cookie" by Laura Numeroff. My book would be called "If You Give A Mom A Coffeepot". It goes something like this...

If you give a Mom a coffeepot she will be standing near the sink. She will see the dishes in the sink that her family left in there last night while she was at a meeting. Then she realizes the dish washer was never run last night and decides to load them in. When she realizes the dishwasher is full she decides to quickly wash them by hand.

When she turns on the dishwasher she must go to the laundry room to get an old towel because the guy won't be here to fix the dishwasher until next week and it leaks water all over the floor. When she goes into the laundry room she realizes that her daughter did not put her laundry in the dryer and loads the dryer with her wet clothes. When she comes back to put the towel under the dishwasher she sees that the front of the dishwasher could us a wipe so she gets out the Windex and grabs a handful of paper towels.

When realizes she grabbed too many paper towels she decides to Windex the front door that the dog yacked all over while barking at another dog walking down the street. When she thinks of the dog she realizes that dog didn't have her treats yet this morning so she gives her dog some treats. When she gives her dog some treats she realizes she didn't put Shorty's snack in his backpack yet.

When she is putting Shorty's snack in his backpack she realizes it's time to go to the bus. So she walks Shorty to the bus but as she is coming back she sees a wiffle ball, a frisbee and a basketball on the lawn. So she decides to put them away in the garage. While she is in the garage she straightens up the recycling area a little since Jr. just threw the pails back after bringing them in.

When she thinks of Jr. she had to go upstairs to check that he is almost ready to leave for school. While she is up there she decides to empty Shorty's full hamper and throw his laundry in the machine since it is empty now. When she goes into the laundry room she stubs her toe on the doorway drops the laundry basket and says a few curses. When she says a few curses she thinks how can she be grouchy already this early in the day. Then she realizes that she has not had any coffee yet. And chances are if she realizes she hasn't had any coffee yet she will go back into the kitchen and start to make a pot of coffee.

So I think either I have a best seller on my hands or I have ADD. I'm not sure.

5 Year old update

2008-03-18T09:58:00.002-04:00

Seems to be passing...maybe we both have the winter blues? Here's to two days 'til spring!!
Yahoo!

A 5 year old

2008-03-13T16:11:00.007-04:00

It amazes me how a five year old little boy can affect me. I don't only mean in the sense of how much love he stirs up in me or our family. But how one little thing he says can alter my entire mood in a good or bad way. Lately it's been bad. Not that he is a "bad boy". (I hate that term I never use it...I feel tell a kid he is bad and he will not disappoint you). He really is a good boy. I know that. And it's not because he is mine. I think I have a pretty real sense of who my kids are.

Lately I feel like he is losing his self worth. Doubting himself. A result I suppose of going to school all day. But I had two before him who already did Kindergarten, but I don't remember this. Again, maybe we don't remember painful things as a defense mechanism. Hence why we have more than one child..lol.

This child had wanted to be five since he was two. Seriously. He always asked when will I be five?...how long 'til I am five?...can we figure out how many minutes until I am five?...and so on. When he turned five I thought this will be his year..finally five. 365 fleetings days to relish in being 5. But about six months into this banner year, there was a shift. Suddenly five sucks. "EVERYONE else is six!" (not EVERYONE..two friends on the block yes but not everyone). Everyone runs faster, rides a two-wheeler better, colors better, has better "stuff". He has NO interest in going to the religion class he has attended since he was three and has always loved. Could even do with a couple less days of school thank you very much. The crying has increased somewhat over stupid little things. I feel so protective over him. Like he is going to break, which is very unlike me.

I eavesdrop on his conversations with friends to make sure he isn't getting picked on. He had to get a cavity filled and he LOVES the dentist but I felt like smacking the dentist when he asked me to sit in the waiting room while he did his thing. I could not help but to sneak back into the hall to listen that he was ok. Which of course he was, how you get your tooth filled while asking 100 questions I do not know. But that's another post.

So maybe the reason I am writing this out loud, is to find my own answer from my own words. I usually know what to do with my kids. But when he says "I don't really go on the swings at school 'cause I can't "pump" that good" I want to throw his jacket on go out back and make him practice pumping. Have I lost my mind? I know there are far greater problems in the world. I know there are parents with such issues with their kids that they would kill for my "problems".

I am hoping this is a phase. Maybe he is just getting older, wiser to the world around him, where things aren't always great. Where people sometimes hurt your feelings and do things to you that you would never dream of doing to them. We all have to learn that. Guess this is one of those times where I would gladly take on the hurt to protect him from it. In a perfect Mom's world we could always do that for our kids. But it's not a perfect world. Just wish he didn't have to learn it the hard way like I did. But I guess we all have to.

Fire Island Adventure

2008-02-28T16:40:00.002-05:00

Yes I said Fire Island. I am not hallucinating from cabin fever. I was actually on Fire Island yesterday. Freezing my butt off...but so happy to be walking on SAND!!!

Went with hubby and friend to check out some summer rentals. I emailed an online real estate and connected with the agent online and arranged to look at houses. As the day got closer I started to worry. How do I know if this is really a real estate agent? What if it's a murderer who lures people to the Island of Fire to kill them and throw their body into the cold Atlantic? After I was poo-poo'd by hubby and friend we were off. Had to meet "Bruce"at Field 5 then he would take us over in his jeep.

OK so now forward to the "meeting" . Out of the Jeep ( a little one mind you I am thinking like 4 doors but no) emerges Bruce. Not your typical real estate agent. I am thinking, ok I was hoping for someone to emerge that would put my Stephen King novel to rest. No such luck. Six foot, long hair, knit hat, surfer dude shades, denim jacket, boots. Hmmm. We shake hands as we introduce ourselves. "hey Cara so cool to meet you..." Oh boy.

So without more than a brief introduction we are off. Skidding out and bumping along the beach. 10 foot waves crashing not too far away. This is it. He is going to make a sharp right and go right in...killing three birds with one stone. (so to speak) But no, we keep bumping right along. Did I mention the BUMPING???? I mean after three large babies, my insides ain't what they used to be. I think my bladder is stuck in my throat. He tells us he has lived here for 32 years. A true local. I say..."must run out of things to do here all winter." Well that opened up the flood gates. He was a carpenter, real estate appraiser, clammer, construction company owner, surfer, husband, (wife couldnt take the floods in the 90's and since she was a professional roller skater and joining Cirque Du Soliel anyway she ditched him), divorced guy, boyfriend (girlfriend is 30 years younger..now I am figuring him for about 60), a resident of Costa Rica, multiple dog owner ( hence the smell of wet dog and dog hair all over the back seat...yummy), horse owner, an almost multi-millionaire 3 times over, green..environmentally speaking, and very well read. Oh, and now a real estate agent.

Mind you we were with him for about 1 1/2- 2 hours. A lot of info for that time frame. Even for me and I like the details. And we did manage to look at 6 houses in between stories.

Now had I gone alone or with CB...and not the men. I am thinking I would have said...
Cara? No I'm not Cara I am meeting someone else here." And left. But since I had the men with me...probably could have taken him anyway..but it's good to have some backup, we went on the adventure.

After saying some goodbyes and listening to a few more stories...oh and he really is not into the Nude Beach at Field 5. Too many old men tanning their wrinkled junk. (not my words..) We decided that we like one of the houses and he will call with all the details. He thought we were cool...and he had fun laughing with us. I think that's a compliment since he probably thought the three of us had a 10 foot pole up our ass when we began. We finally got into the car..cranked the heat (did I mention that I dont think there was any heat in that Jeep?) and laughed all the way back to the Mainland.

All in all an interesting "adventure". I am glad I went. Learned some things about FI. Got a LOT of dirt on the residents...I may write a book. Got to walk on the sand...as the sun peeked out of the clouds..as if to say...I will be here waiting. Come back soon. Oh and I think that old Salty Dog is pretty cool too.

So I hang on by a thread getting through these last days of winter. I have to hang on. I have a date with the sun that I am planning to keep.

Happy Valentines Day

2008-02-14T08:30:00.004-05:00

Sent all my loves off this morning...with the first little gifts of the day. Sometimes I worry that the big kids won't want to keep up traditions we have since they are getting older. But they do, at least they say they do. Not sure if it's for Shorty's benefit or mine..but either way I am always pleasantly surprised that they do.

Had some Love Day trinkets waiting for them on the breakfast table..and though they were happy to get them they were wondering if there was going to still be a scavenger hunt. I thought even Shorty wasn't much into it last year and wouldn't want to do it. The scavenger hunt you see started many moons ago....I think the first one was was back when Jr. wasn't even really speaking yet, and was dragged all over the house by you know who. But I always made up clues and hid presents around the house. They ran all over finding candy and toys. This was of course followed by "Red Dinner". Ravioli, heart shaped biscuits, Shirley Temples in fancy wine glasses, candlelight and something red for dessert (this year it's red jello creations). So now after the Kindergarten Valentines' Day party...making snowglobes with 23 five-year olds....H-E-L-P!!) I have to create the scavenger hunt. I complain...but secretly I am tickled. I guess I will have to do it until they are more interested in the their own Valentines and don't have to settle for mom. But that's ok.

My big Valentine gave me a beautiful card this morning and (no candy...weight watchers remember) tickets to a B'way play. I truly enjoy the card the most. After 23 Valentines Days together his card choices are second to none. Well, maybe except mine. ;)

New Look...

2008-02-06T09:55:00.000-05:00

Since I turned the page on my calendar and the "dark" days of January are behind me I decided on a new look. I have actually had some time to breathe lately during the day so I had some time to devote to sprucing up my blog. Seriously I started after having to drive Jr. to school at 8:20.
(He left for the bus stop only to call me from said bus stop to say since he had to print out his homework before he left, he forgot to "do" his hair. So he just didn't feel right and needed to come back and do the gel thing. So would I mind driving him? Not a problem High maintenance siblings are all gone for the day. Like I said I have time to breathe. And remember this is a kid who used to not brush his teeth regularly. So I am happy today to drive him so he can do his "do".)
Now it's 10:00..I havent eaten breakfast and I am still in my bus stop attire. (which is minimal..hair brushed somewhat, teeth brushed of course...face somewhat presentable although today required sunglasses even though there was no sun..Crocs which I am not allowed by teenage children to wear in public other than to bus stop or out in the yard...and choice of coat which depends what I wore to bed and what needs to be covered somewhat or completely) Is that T.M.I.? Oh well...

And here I sit blogging and uploading some pictures. The old format was kinda impersonal and dark. I am not feeling dark. I am not totally hating February. I mean there is Valentine's Day. Which I do like. There's our "dating anniversary" which to this day we always acknowledge. (2-11-08 will be 23 years "dating" and I have the gold, tri-color, alternating sapphire and diamond ankle bracelet to prove it!!! Holy moly!) and there's winter break..(with a trip to somewhere warm would be divine but not this year), and now we have our moving in anniversary too. So not terrible.

And that ground hog can bite me. I am thinking warm spring thoughts!

Happy Anniversary

2008-02-03T18:57:00.000-05:00

Two years tomorrow at H. Lane....

Sometimes its feels like we just moved here, then other times it seems like we have always been here.I realized somewhat sadly, I am forgetting what my old house looked like. Now I remodeled that entire house. Well, not all me..of course TP did a lot. And I guess the construction company did actually do the addition big deal. But I put my heart into that house. I mean it wasnt a "colonial" when we bought it. Every room on the second floor was new. I picked out paint, rugs, furniture...I ate and slept decorating that house. Now I can't remember what color the carpet was in my bedroom. Or the light fixure that took me months to find. I can't remember what flowers I used to plant in the backyard. I mean this is the house that I decorated for a holiday in a few hours flat. I could do it with my eyes closed. Same things in the same place every year. I had holes in the same places on molding where I tacked my decorations to every year. My little paper autumn leaves or little red hearts that went on my upstairs windows...sounds so silly when I write it "out loud". I mean no one made us move. We wanted to. We had wanted to for several years but never actually got up the nerve. But our life really started there. We loved our old apartment it was a really great apartment. Darling Daughter had her own room, our landlords were like family....but it never felt like home. Our boys were born in that house on F. Avenue...we got our first dog, cat(s), minivan, neighbors, pool, block party, just to name a few in that house. But, my old friends on the block say that the newest people that live there (the BIG PEOPLE moved out) are a nice family, with company, BBQ's, kids playing basketball in the street and even a St. Bernard!! So that makes me happy. I am glad there are people who are making new memories there....even if some of mine are starting to fade.

But happily things are great here too. I love my block. I love living on my block. Driving home to my block. This is a block I used to drive past with almost asleep babies in the backseat looking at houses I wanted to buy someday. It makes me smile sometimes when I pull into my driveway. It has just recently begun to feel like home. Of course there's a million and one things on the "wish list" to do. Evenutally they will get done. It is most "home" to Shorty who doesn't remember a thing from the old house. Jr. has rearranged his room I think its four times since he has lived here...I wonder how many more configurations he can come up with?? Even the pets are at home. They have their spots to sleep or watch squirrels outside in yard. We have already made memories here. Some to last a lifetime. We are happy here. We would probably be happy most anywhere. But being in the town we love makes it even better.

I know we will be here for a long long time. Forever even. And not only because moving totally bites. Because I like to be happy. And we are happy here. I hope this is another great, memory making year in our house. No, in our home.

Don't feel like it...

2008-01-23T13:56:00.000-05:00

Don't feel like doing anything. I hate the winter. I am trying this year to embrace it...sweaters, fireplace, read a book, hot chocolate but it's a struggle for me. And the dark days of February are not even here yet. Thank God most of those close to me know to just ride it out and in the Spring I will be back. I guess I may put some off though. I know people may think I am mad at them and I'm not. I am just mad. I am so optimistic right after Christmas. House is in order I have a whole new year to plan and get things right.

Enter Weight Watchers...the torture I have debited from my checking account every month. Now that the scale hasn't budged from the 10lbs lost in the summer...I am getting discouraged. But I do have this fabulous leader, Alice. She is has to be 70 at least. She is tall not very thin although she has "lost 31lbs with Weight Watchers and had kept it off for 30 years"(clap clap clap...anyone who's ever went to a WW meeting knows what I mean) she wears tons of makeup, has her hair dyed bleach blonde wears patterned stocking and sexy clothes. I want to be her when I am an old lady. I think 30 years? Dam, I think 30 years ago.. who cared what I weighed? I was skinny for crying out loud then...SKINNY! Anyway thankfully Alice keeps me coming back. This is the first time though that I am doing WW alone. I always did it with someone else. So I am determined. I have tried the gym alone and that doesnt work for me...so this I must stick to. So add that to the winter blues and no wonder I am a witch. If I could just sit in the house and only have the foods I need to stick to it that would be great. The fact that every weekend is another party, dinner out, wine, take-out, wine, hanging with friends, wine...I don' t know maybe it's the wine?

I am just not in the mood. I dont feel like going out, doing stuff up at school, eating right, exercising, chit chatting, etc., etc., etc. I am in a word a drag. I know it. I hear it in my voice. In who I see when I look in the mirror.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could just check out for a bit when we want to. Just close out the world, wear pajamas 24/7, eat junk food and watch t.v. Sounds like fun. Well for a day or two anyway. I really don't appreciate this grouchy Winter Witch at all. She arrives right after the holidays and sits her fat butt in my house and sucks the life outta me. But as usual I do battle with her. Fight her off the best I can every day. Some days she wins. Most days I don't let her.

How many days til spring? I am not sure. But you can be sure I will find out.

All done... (started on 12/28/07 finished on 1/7/08)

2007-12-28T17:39:00.001-05:00

So it is. In a flash. Every year I can't believe how quickly Christmas gets here and it over. But it's always good. Great even.

But as happy as I am to see it come is how happy I am to see it go. January for me is all about laying low and order. I usually say I hate January (its February that I really hate enough with the cold already) but I really don't. I enjoy the quiet.

The quiet of my home that has been bursting at the seams with company. Which is not a bad thing mind you. I adore company and love entertaining. But once all those zillions of Christmas tubs have been packed up and put back downstairs, and I have scrubbed, dusted, vacuumed, Windex'd, mopped every inch of the house I can feel the house sigh. Like it's saying "thank you, all those snowmen, garland and decking of the halls...... enough already."

The quiet of my head...what to buy this one and that one, which cookies to bake~ Do I have butter?~ I need more wrapping paper I know I have 17 rolls but they are old I need NEW ones...and lights~ untangle the lights~ hang the lights~ where are all those extension cords?~clean the house we are having company~ clean the house the company has gone home~cook this cook that

The quiet of my debit card(lol)....I don't even want to buy food...but we can't live on almond paste and butter for the remainder of the winter...I need to get some real food in this house besides egg nog and candy canes...but no unnecessary buying...the sales beckon but I do not answer. There's 11 more months to shop and I will make up for the month of January by the end of March. I actually needed to order a new debit card mine is worn out on the back and not working properly...Debit or credit? Swipe swipe swipe..............SHUT UP!

Quiet....read a book, send everyone off to school, drink tea, wear my new slippers...focus on all the new ways I am going to do things right this year. Well try to anyway.

Wouldn't it be great if every day of the year, even number 226 (which is just a random day in August by the way..of course I went to look it up...handling my OCD better is not a change that I choose to look into at this time, thank you) was as full of promise as the 1st? I think I will try to hold that feeling the best I can throughout this year. A friend said our motto should be "Great in 2008!" and why not? I choose greatness. Maybe everyday won't be spectacular...I am optimistic not stupid. But maybe greatness doesn't have to knock you off your feet. Greatness might be small, a kind word, a sunny day after cold weather, drinking Starbucks in the car with a bunch of friends in a deserted parking lot (yes I did that last night), laughing with someone on the phone...I don't know but I can't wait to find out.

Christmas Eve, eve

2007-12-23T21:16:00.001-05:00

Well it's all done. Well actually just a few more odds and ends to wrap. Whew. But I must say I am not crazed this year. I think having had time now during the weekdays to get things done has helped tremendously. But I did things differently. Smaller get-togethers, wrote a few cards a day, wrapped a few things a day. Decorated over the course of two weeks instead of instant Christmas the day after Thanksgiving. I don't feel overwhelmed which of course in itself gives me stress, since I am thinking that I forgot something thats why I am not stressed. I focused on whats important this year and it made all the difference in the world. Took the kids to the city to see the tree, baked cookies, lit the Advent candle with Mikey and made a paper chain for the tree everyday (almost...) where he wrote with things he did that were extra good or he was grateful for. And of course we will have the Happy Birthday Jesus cake on Christmas Day. So all in all it was a fun ride. I am still standing. So that's good.

Looking back, I can say 2007 was pretty great. I have my family safe and secure, happy and healthy. I have more friends than I know what to do with...lucky me, who make me laugh, make me happy, lift me up, hold my hand, celebrate what's wonderful in my life, make my house a home and add such joy to my life I could go on and on. I am lucky I know it. I am grateful for all the little things too. I have learned to stop and smell the roses...although it may seem I am on overdrive and I probably am most days...but I do take notice of all the big and little blessings in my life. I dont make New Years resolutions. I will try new ways of doing things to make life a little easier and less hectic. Some will work, some won't. But that's ok. God knows I keep trying.
Bye 2007.
2008? Let's see what ya got....

back again...

2007-11-08T22:35:00.000-05:00

Hadn't had much going on in my head to put in writing the past couple of weeks. Either that or theres just not enough hours in a day...probably a little or both. Maybe 'cause the last two posts were filled with a lot of "grr". I was hoping for a cheery post today. Maybe.

Went out with the new bffs and some old bffs last Sat. night. A school fundraising function, a.k.a. "The Prom". With new outfits and a "bus" to take us there and back. All we needed was corsages...Had so much fun. Stayed out 'til 3am. One bff joked what did we do before we knew eachother. I don't remember. How can you feel so comfortable with people you've only known for about 2 years. So many different personalities yet enjoying eachother's company so much. So much so that we are already lining up sitters for next month's outing. Can't wait. Slightly afraid, but can't wait.

Had my Drama Queen's first HS play this weekend. Very exciting. She is my shining star. This child of mine who has made me want to inflict pain on her on a daily basis since she has turned "teen", really is amazing. She is so confident and smart. Really an old soul. I can't wait to see the woman she becomes. Whew, and think I am a force to be reckoned with? She may make me look timid. She was great in it. All of the kids were. The talent these kids have is amazing. She is loving the whole "theater" experience and the people involved in it. I told her that HS was going to open up a new world to her. And it is.

Junior flying under the radar as usual. This boy kills me. Stud muffin of the MS. Girls calling and coming here all the time. It is too funny.

Shorty learned to ride a two wheeler this week. Very exciting. Bittersweet for me. Watching him ride down the block literally into the sunset. I know very mellow dramatic. My little boy. Now it's two wheelers next he will have girls knocking on the door. Oh wait he does already.

So it's off today to take the whole family shopping for clothes. We will see who comes back in one piece.

R.I.P. Harold Von Pelt

2007-10-23T21:03:00.000-04:00

Harry the Wonder Dog died today. Very sad day for our family. A pet is family. Especially one that has been around for 17+ years. Family joke is, he was my replacement when I moved out of my parents house and got married! But he had a stroke over the weekend and just couldn't do it another day.

I dread the day one of ours goes. I remember when Harry's predecessor died, when I was a teenager. Too sad. There will be quite a hole in our family when one of ours goes. You may wonder what the heck is with "Harold Von Pelt". I have to give all my pets a full name. As I said they are part of the family...for those of you who don't know the furry kids' real names...they are...Ariella Pasquatina, Lucky Pasquale and Smudge Patrick. Shut up...they are mine and I name them what I want ok? OK.

The big kids took it hard. It's the first time they lost a pet,even though it technically wasn't theirs. It was the first dog they had since he came way before Ariel. He did tricks, jumped through hula hoops, ate spaghetti, attacked mylar balloons and was the best friend Ariel ever had. They loved eachother and I am sad to think of what she will do when my parents come to visit and Harry is not there. I know she will probably run to the back door and wait for him to run in the front door out the back door to patrol the yard together.

When these guys all go I know I won't get anymore. Too much work, hair and mess, and too much pain when they go.

Of course as usual Shorty teaches us what we should know. I told him Harry died today. He asked why. I told him he was old and sick. He asked if Nana and Poppy were sad. I told him yes. He said well when I go to heaven when I am old I will bring him a bone. And off he went back to what he was doing. Matter of fact. At least he made me laugh.

Thats it for now. I am going to give Harry a bone and a mylar balloon to attack when I see him again.

PS to Spanky..leave my grammar alone and dont read my blog. You are a porcupine. :)~~~~

PTA Headache and other aches

2007-10-17T08:43:00.000-04:00

So I have been asking myself why the hell did I take this position anyway. PTA President. Sounds good, sounds all official and important doesn't it? Yeah well that could not be any further from the truth. Not that I took the job to feel important. I am the one with the good self esteem...remember? I know I am important. lol Anyway.

I knew it was going to be work. I am not afraid of work. I need to be busy. That's who I am. This MS PTA was flat. No enthusiasm, no fun, just flat. So here I come to save the day. I have a great relationship with the principal, a definite plus for the president. I know most teachers by first name from being involved up to my eyeballs in the school for the past four years. I genuinely like this school. My kids have done great...they have had some really great teachers. So I think. I can do this. I am organized, outgoing I know 9 million people that I can get to help......hear the crickets? Yeah me too. But that's OK.

I have been kissing enough ass since the summer that I joke that I need a case of chapstick for Christmas. Again OK. I can do it. It turns my stomach yes, cause it goes against my grain to be a suck up. But for the kids of the MS I will do it.

I fend off annoying parents who call the school to complain. Of course said parent's name does not appear on one sign up sheet for a committee. I have never heard the name before. OK but I put on my best PTA smile and phone her up. She is taking issue with the way we are running the fundraiser. So after smiling from ear to ear during the conversation...and listening to her talk smack (teenager term I love it...kids hate when I use it apparently I am not allowed cause I am 40) I actually have her apologizing to me for calling and she is thanking me for doing such a wonderful job. I am finding that each situation is an adventure. And there is one pretty much every week. I actually said to her..."...and you can understand that pulling off a fundraiser is quite a cumbersome task." CUMBERSOME TASK?????????????? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT???? Apparently an ass kissing PTA President. I laughed my bloody head off after I hung up with her. What am I becoming?

The most upsetting thing about this position is that all the people I blew off who said..Are you nuts doing this? You are crazy you are gonna want to kill yourself after you are done with this...blah blah blah, may have been right.

It's the PTA psychos. The one's that are in it for the power trip. The ones that I want to say to them " If I took away your PTA title, who are you" Is this how you define yourself? Did you forget that we are supposed to have the interest of the children as our focus? Not going to PTA training weekends and having meeting after meeting to say the same stuff over and over. Not telling treasurers to fix up your books to make it look like you didn't raise money. What the hell is that???????????????????????????? I am on the warpath now and I think it will get worse before it gets better. I have even contemplated quitting. And I am not a quitter. I will probably be burnt when this is all over in June. (and I kinda signed up for two years of this crap).

One good thing is that I am part of Shortys PTA, a Kindergarten class mom. Where my biggest problem is deciding if we should use black or sparkly pipe cleaners for the spiders' legs we are making for Halloween. Where parents ask me if it's ok if they come to the Thanksgiving party and make butter with the kids rather than just send butter in. Is it ok? I could have hugged her. It reminds me why I became a PTA person. For the kids. To help make their school experience the best it can be. For my own kids. They know that I know what's going on and that they better walk the straight and narrow. I could show up at school at any given time. That the principal calls me by my first name and sometimes even calls me on my cell phone on a Sunday. (freaks them out!! haha) How the Short one's face lights up when Mommy comes to his classroom. Melts my heart. And ya know...even though the big ones say they don't like when I am up at their school, they are full of it. I was sitting at table for something at MS the other day and Jr. turns the corner on the way to the bathroom during class...and that same light his little brother had was on his face. He even said hey mom...whatcha doin'? So is it worth it? Times like that tell me yes. Gotta just keep reminding myself.

As far as other aches...that would the one in my shoulder/arm area. Well, during my morning power walk yesterday and yes I am power walking....finally Hubby set up my iPod he got me for Valentines Day and I am out moving and grooving to my LOUD music...heaven. Thud. That would be me falling...yes FALLING on my face on the sidewalk on U. Boulevard...(very busy thoroughfare in the land of I.) There was no catching myself. I was going down and hard tripping over uneven sidewalk that jumped out in front of me. Talk about embarrassing. I got up as fast as I went down...palms and knee bleeding, chin scraped. Charming. So let me tell you next time your little one falls and scrapes his or her palms on cement because they were trying to break a fall...don't blow on it and tell them it's ok it's just a scrape. It FREAKIN' HURTS. I must've pulled a muscle too trying to brace myself. ugh. Staying home and eating is much safer than exercising. I have been trying to tell people that....now do you believe me?

One more thing..congratulations to the other Mrs. P. On baby number four. It's crazy, and things will be looney in the P house for quite some time. But it's all good. And besides she is keeping my daughter in business. It's not all good it's really wonderful.

16 years...

2007-10-12T09:08:00.000-04:00

Today's my anniversary. 16 years. wow. When you really think about it...16 YEARS!!! We are not doing anything terribly romantic or exciting this year. It's homecoming weekend and I need to be available to my kids to drive them here there and everywhere. But it's really ok. I want them to experience all the fun things about HS and MS so I will be here to do what I need to for them tonight. I can still remember way back when, when I went to the homecomings it was the best.

Married life after so long is so different from where we started in our apartment 16 years ago. Although everything was so new and exciting. We were so happy to be on our own and doing our own thing. And eight months into married life we were pregnant so that was a whirlwind in itself. But honestly it's so much better now. Not that it wasnt great then, it was.
But I didn't know then what I now know for sure....
~there's nothing better than having this person in my life that knows me better than anyone, better than my best friend, better than my parents.
~ that I am a better person for knowing him. What I thought was "not getting it" is really knowing what to give energy to and what to blow off...
~how to turn my "leadership qualities"(that's what my 5th grade teacher nicely called bossy) from a force to be reckoned with (although I still secretly still like to think of myself as such) into
something positive that works for me, helps people I love and makes me become the person Iwant to be
~nothing's more important than this family we've created...these people who sixteen years ago I hadn't met yet, who now are my main focus, who I work hard for and because of every day, who I fiercely love & protect and to whom I give everything they need and most of what they want.
~that everything I have is everything I need.

The past sixteen years have been, happy, exciting, full of love, not without really bad days, tough times, hungry years, unexpected joys, three roly poly babies, firsts...apartment, house, baby, day of school, yelling (mostly from me) but much much more laughs, a dog, a cat, another cat, unexpected friends, cherished friendships, inside family jokes, dinners at the table like it or not, mutual respect, traditions, mundane days and days I will never ever forget.

Not bad for a decade and a half....

Autumn Days...

2007-09-29T14:58:00.001-04:00

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside thoroughly used up, totally worn out and proclaiming, "WOW! What a ride!!!"~latest favorite quote

Hmmm..definitely my favorite season. While I am still very much the beach bum..I do love my beach time. Nothing's like autumn in NY.

Hauled out all the autumal decorations today. I am embarrassed to say it has grown to 10 plastic tubs. Hubby was like "are you kidding me?" today bringing them up from the basement. I can't stop buying fall stuff. I love it.

That's why I got married in October and we had the most beautiful day.

I love that quote at the top of this post. When I was a few years younger all I worried about was doing things "right". Whatever right is. I think I stopped having fun. Now at 40 I know what's important. I know how to have fun. I try and make the most of everyday. Not to say that I wake up everyday and say yippee! But I try to most days. Even if making the most of the day means cleaning out my closet, getting all my PTA crap done, making dinner and making everyone sit down and eat together or spending time with a dear friend. Which I did yesterday..isn't it amazing how with some people you can just talk and talk and not run outta things say?

So hopefully I can look back on my day and say "What a ride!" Even if the ride was nuts and running 3 kids in 3 different directions...it's all good. And lemme tell you, most days it is quite
the ride....

Seems like forever that I've written

2007-09-26T15:04:00.000-04:00

Well school has begun. And how. Whew! This month has been a blur. I cannot believe how much a PTA President has to do. Never mind just committees and meetings...the mountains of mail, paperwork, organizing and mediating between 9000 different personalities is NUTS! Who would have thought that I would be the calming presence in a situation. Too funny.

I needed to breathe today. I bought some fall flowers and worked in my yard. This is the first time I have worked in my yard without interruption, without racing to get done while someone is napping or having to go back in and change into my good clothes to go run up to school etc. No noise, no chatting, not even a radio. Quiet. It was lovely. The only company I had was my three four legged children who followed me everywhere. Sitting quietly by watching and snoozing.

Got back this weekend from Rocking Horse Ranch. What fun! Went with the B's and the G's (and their extended family). Havent been on a horse in about 25 years! Just like riding a bike...'cept WAY bigger! It was so great. I only stayed on the walking trail for all my rides but it was heaven. Beautiful weather, beautiful grounds. I will definitely be back.

So note to self this week....breathe. Can't believe October is upon us.

First Day of School

2007-09-05T11:17:00.000-04:00

It has finally come. The first day. Went very well. Although I always knew it would. Even though my big ones say they hate school. I know they are full of it. They are happy to go back. Maybe not so much today for Jr. since it's his birthday. That's gotta be a drag. But he is handling it well. Making a joke out of it...and getting whatever he wants for dinner. His first day other than the birthday thing was pretty uneventful and I think he prefers it that way. He was looking good with his new found interest in wearing exactly the right thing. I am still smelling the cloud of cologne wafting from his room so he is smelling good too! Hey I don't even have to remind him to brush his teeth anymore.

Uneventful is not the case for the Princess. First day of High School. Please tell me when I became old enough to have a kid in High School? I know, I know when I turned 40...but we all know 40 is the new 30 so that can't be right. Up like a pup at 5;30 a.m. to make sure the newly dyed dark red hair (now she really looks like me) and new clothes are just right. Funny, I can remember my first day of High School...seems like yesterday.

And his Shortness. First day of Kindergarten. Good grief. I remember so well they first day of school when he was an infant not even 2 months old...walking back with him in the carriage from the bus stop after the big ones got off to school. I sat on my front porch with him and said..."What the heck M...I am supposed to be foot loose and fancy free this year...where did you come from? " With that he smiled. He already knew then what was in store for me. Little did I know what a guy he would turn out to be. Yes it was hard for a lot of years after he came along...juggling the schedules of bigger kids with and infant in tow. But God is he just great. He has given me such joy. Made me double over laughing more times that I can remember. Taught me so many lessons...like what's really worth worrying about...and whats just stupid stuff. And off he went today with his two best buddies...smiling from ear to ear I thought his face would split. Finally getting to get on that school bus. I didnt even cry which is amazing. I guess he was so happy that I forgot to feel sorry for myself. Maybe I will tomorrow when it hits me.

Well off to get him from the bus. I cant want to hear all the exciting things about Kindergarten.

Whatta week....

2007-08-28T22:37:00.000-04:00

Well back from the beach..although it wasn't the greatest weather it still was a great time. Read lots, played with the kids, walked on the beach.

Definitely where I feel at peace. Seeing what happened when I got home it may have been better to get to go away after rather than before.

Again I try to see the lesson I can learn from things that happen. Some lessons aren't fun to learn. Like all the should haves to prevent a crappy thing from happening. Those lessons just suck unless you can figure out a way to go back in time.

What can I take away from it? Well I guess one thing is to put my money where my mouth is. I asked myself do I really still believe all I have is all I need? After the inital shock of it all...I can say yes. Do I still believe what's important is not all the stuff I have but who I have in my life. Yes I do. Sure at first I was so upset. But I can move on. My kids are a shining example. They handled the whole thing better than me I think. Life went on. Life goes on. It may seem like it had just stopped short and you need to catch your breath. But it still goes on. Every day comes like the one before. So pick yourself up dust yourself off and get going. Times like this I am glad my life is a constant wheel in motion and I can find 100 things to focus on and put my energy for.I can honestly say I never thought poor me. I am still seriously pissed off and will be for awhile.
But I know for sure I am still a lucky gal.

Back to Back 40th Birthday Bashes and I lived to tell the tale...

2007-08-19T22:30:00.000-04:00

Imagine that. lol Where do I begin?

Well my 40th (not Surprise) Birthday party was just great. Not to mention the spa day my hubby sent me on while he cleaned, cooked and organized it all. All my closest friends minus one or two were there. Sometimes when I am the hostess I get worried that I am spending too much time with one group and not talking enough to another...but I really felt like I got to talk with everyone and flit around from one person to the other. I hope everyone had fun I know I did. I have the goofy pictures to proove it!

That all being said, like I just told someone a little while ago..it is not often that I am rendered speechless. But my 40th birthday has left me that way about ten times over. I can't say how many heartfelt things people have said to me, about me...me and my husband..etc. over the last few days. I have learned in my 40 years how to take a compliment better, and not to counter-attack it with something negative about myself, most times. That's really hard for me to do.
But the things people have said to me, not things like.."oh I love your shoes...where did you get them" to which I would usually reply something like..."These? Oh they were only $10 blah blah blah..."
I am talking about friends telling me or writing in cards how they feel about me. Making me realize how important I am to them. I know how important they are to me. I guess I just never really thought about what I was to them. It's so hard for me to put into words and my emotions keep sneaking up on me. As happy as these past days have made me and how many times I have laughed til my sides split, that's how many times I have been brought to tears.
Silly I guess.
First on the actual b-day when friends decorated my house, car etc. and kids decorated the inside. (as I am thinking are you nuts..what the hell are you getting choked up about?) Then out to breakfast and floored with such thoughtful and labor intensive gifts...(again..ok you are in a public place..keep it together!!)then during dinner with my hubby....(again...uh public place..but thinking how this guy is really working this birthday week thing for me...), then laying there getting a facial or one of those treatments during my "spa day" thinking...who the heck do I think I am? And how lucky am I today...and most days come to think of it. (CANNOT cry here they will think I am a nut...), then listening to the crazy sweet things my friends wrote about me for the basket Hubby set up during my party...then trying to say something not completely stupid afterwards. It really has been too much!
And finally, the next night at my new "bff"'s surprise 40th birthday party...now my birthday week was done. It's not about me...truthfully I was getting tired of it being about me already..imagine what those around me must've thought! But after my pal got the living you know what scared out of him when we surprised him and came in to say hello to all these 80 people standing in his house hugging & kissing him I looked at his face and I thought 'well that says it all. " Tears in his eyes and a look of shock. But I knew that look. I felt that look. It wasn't just the surprise at that point (although I must say it was the best surprise I have ever seen in my life...can you say..."How YOU doin'?). It was a look of...this for me? All these people did this for me? I know I am a good person, people like me, I try like hell to be a good spouse, parent, friend...but all this for me? I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed is a good way to describe it all. Then after a night of partying HARD...dancing for hours, singing and all the carrying on you can imagine that goes on at a 40th birthday party...it all comes full circle. Everyone went home, except for a few house guests and us, we hung around cleaned up a little...had a night cap or two (more like a morning cap seeing it was like 2 a.m.), laughed ourselves silly while we reviewed the night and all the planning and sneaking around that went down to get this party pulled off. The surprisee got a gift from a dear cousin that flew in just for the occasion, a picture of them as kids, blown up to 8x10. This would be the only picture of himself he has, since his mom died when he was very young and he never had any pictures of his childhood. So when we were all done crying (thank God now I could finally cry since everyone else was ...and at that point I almost lost it)we all knew that this is what's important. Not where you live, what you wear, what you drive or how many figures are on your paycheck. What you make your life to be is important. At the end of the day you know you've done your damdest.. you love your family, your friends...your life. And if you're truly blessed these wonderful people that you build your life around love you back.
So now that I have arrived at the decade of 40...I am so very grateful, blessed and humbled by the people I have in my life. All of them. I will let them all know whenever I get the chance, because them letting me know has been the best gift I will ever receive.
OK OK...lets not get crazy I still like pocketbooks too...!
Good grief and I have a LOT of thank you's to write!

The Big 4-0 has come and gone

2007-08-16T14:21:00.002-04:00

Well I must say my 40th birthday has been the best birthday that I can remember. I had a perfect day. Got up bright and early...and while in the shower was informed by Shorty that there are balloons all over the floor outside my bedroom door, decorations everywhere, and some huge sign on the front lawn..which I MUST hurry up and take him outside to see!!! So much for the initial surprise....but still a pleasant one. Indeed there were balloons everywhere...40's plastered from one end of the house to the other (even in the refrigerator) compliments of DD and friend in the middle of the night....the front of the house decorated thanks to friends who I thought left at 11pm the previous night...and yes a HUGE sign right in the middle of the front lawn announcing to the whole town that yes Cara is 40..compliments of my usually "flamingo-ing" friends. (poor guy came at 5am with his suit on before he got on the train!!!) Oh did I mention the writing all over my car whereas I could announce my birthday to the world as I tooled around town? And said writer also wrote that information on her car in case E. I. wanted to know too!

Then off to Milk and Sugar with some of my favorite gal pals. Where I got the most beautiful thoughtful presents...remind me to show them to you when you come by. I love them. And the people who gave them to me.

Then home for the day and then off to Maxwells for dinner...just me, my man and a bottle of LI Wine. What more could a girl ask for? Apparently a party tomorrow night...printable non- incriminating details (what I will be able to remember anyway) after.

So far 40 is fabulous...I think I will be 40 again next year.

Party's over

2007-08-13T12:18:00.000-04:00

Block party for 115 is done. Whew. What fun..but what hard work! Thank God we have our family to help us. We would be dead without them. I think I may have killed the heel of my foot though dancing in the street with the girls in my flip flops. I literally couldn't put weight on it when I got out of bed. Thankfully it felt better after a little while...I didnt need to give everyone fodder for chit chat like after a summer party last year. Note to self: Never dance in flip flops!
Many thank yous and rave reviews have come in since...which I am grateful for. Makes it all worth it. During crunch time of the party 'bout 2 hours or so before everyone comes..I start to think..am I nuts? Why do we kill ourselves for this stuff all the time. Then I look at the pictures I took...kids swimming on an absolutely beautiful "couldnt ask for better weather" day...my inlaws and their siblings laughing at the table, my parents sitting in the shade with good old Harry the Wonder Dog who's 17th birthday was that day, my big kids with their boy/girl teenage friends awkwardly hanging out one trying to play it cool better than the other, Mikey and pals covering themselves in glow in the dark tatoos, my great neighbors who are now my friends dancing together in the street, not to mention the Three Stooges with their matching T-Shirts. Old friends meeting new friends, food, food and did I mention food? So that's why we do it. Besides the fact the Pittas love a good party...it's the memory making that's one of the best things. Establishing history with your family, friends. Like they say...priceless.

This block party...definitely one for the history books. Now, can you say birthday party???

PTA Meeting in August...seriously

2007-08-07T19:29:00.000-04:00

Seriously it sounded like a good idea when we planned it. But at least we opted to do wine and cheese lol.

Maybe I will finally meet my 2nd Vice President. It would be nice. Up til now I think she is not really a person. But my friend who has had a history with this person would correct me for sure. But I will see what that deal is in about 10 minutes.

I didnt sleep last night for whatever reason. Dreaming wacky dreams again. Dreamt that some kids were spray painting the houses on my block with orange spray paint so I had to wait all night for the cops to come. Hence no sleeping I guess. I need a dream analysis. I may find I am nuts after all

~Writing now after my PTA meeting which ran 'til 11:30 p.m.! Wow. But I am actually pretty pumped about this coming year. Everyone on my Executive Board had pretty strong personalities and a lot of great ideas. Maybe we will finally have an active productive MS PTA, which was my ultimate goal upon agreeing to this job. I hope after two years we have a lot of great stuff in place. I am confident now that we will.

My VP who I thought was going to be a pitbull, turns out to be more like a beagle! I was ready to lay it on with her, but I don't think I will need to. Although I need to get more insider info from my above mentioned friend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Below I am inserting something a friend emailed me. Its an article a Newsday columnist wrote which really hit home with me. It sums up pretty much where I am at...

By Anna Quindlen, Newsweek Columnist and Author

All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief.
I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost-adults, two
taller than I, one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books as
I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their
opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I
choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to
keep their doors closed more than I like. Who, miraculously, go to the
bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by
themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber
ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible
except through the unreliable haze of the past.

Everything in all the books I once poured over is finished for me now.
Penelope Leach, T. Berry Brazelton., Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry
and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education, all grown
obsolete. Along with Goodnight Moon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are
battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages
dust would rise like memories. What those books taught me, finally, and what
the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations --what they taught me, was that they couldn't really teach me very much at all.

Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then
becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an
endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive
reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout.
One child is toilet trained at 3, his sibling at 2.

When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on
his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last
arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden
infant death syndrome. To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is
terrifying, and then soothing. Eventually you must learn to trust yourself.
Eventually the research will follow.

I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton's wonderful
books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of
infants: average, quiet, and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil
for an 18-month old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat
little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he
developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he
went to China . Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine - &
walk, too.

Every part of raising children is humbling, too. Believe me, mistakes
were made. They have all been enshrined in the, "Remember-When-Mom-Did Hall of Fame." The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language, mine, not
theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for
preschool pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her
geography test, and I responded," What did you get wrong?" (She insisted I
include that.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald's drive-through
speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all
insisted I include that.)

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while
doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear
now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one
picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow
of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could
remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and
how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a
hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had
treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.

Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't, what was me and
what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday
they would become who they were because of what I'd done. Now I suspect they
simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways
that I back off and let them be. The books said to be relaxed and I was
often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And look how
it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the
world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity.

That's what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to
learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the
experts were.

...........crying yet? I was.

Nine days and counting

2007-08-06T22:07:00.004-04:00

Summers rolling along...someone said today that they can't wait for September. Yuck. I can. I have really learned to enjoy every minute of my summer.. dinner at any old time we feel like it, night swims, summer parties, wearing my bathing suit and cover up "uniform" like everyday. I am not even sick of watering my plants yet.

I may even miss the "Mom?" "Mom come here for a minute?" "Mommy look at me do...(fill in the blank) every five minutes.

But I think my much deserved me time will do me well come September. I will probably walk around in circles (preferably in the mall...haha) for the first few weeks until I get my groove on I suppose. God knows my PTA disease will keep me busy many days. I am looking forward to picking up friendships with people who didnt decide to have that "one more baby" like I did five years ago. Maybe be able to do lunch now and again in someplace other than McDonalds.

But, even though I had started out with my baby number three not planning on making anymore friends, "cause I had enough trouble keeping up with the friends I already had" I have made some remarkably wonderful friendships. I can't believe the people I would have missed out on had I not had Michael. Granted I was very happy friendship wise pre-Michael. But I have such a big "new crop" of friends it amazes me sometimes. Probably why my party lists are teetering out of control lately. My "old" friends sometimes come to a P-Party and are like who they hell are these people..to which I reply "my friends!" I am lucky though I know. I treasure all the friendships I have now and the one's I have lost. I always get melancholy around my birthday thinking of friendships that have fizzled. But they did probably for good reason.

So anyway...this week is planning for party #2 of August. We went to the neighbor summer party 2007 on Saturday night. I gotta say there's nothing like a party on your block that you can just walk to. This year was great since we know all our neighbors better. We are joined at the hip with the two next door so we had a great time. We all danced so much my legs are still killing me two days later. It's a treat for us too, to be able to be guests at a party once in awhile. But who I am I kidding...giving parties is what we do. And since we do it like every month I guess we kinda enjoy it. So block party for 100 or so of our closest friends is upon us. I should probably start cooking now...

2 weeks and holding...

2007-08-01T00:12:00.000-04:00

I actually don't feel 40something looming...not sure why I called this that. I am looking forward to it actually. That's why I changed it to 40's here I come...

I feel like I know who I am now. What I want..what I need. I have no room for B.S. in my life anymore. No room for high maintenance people. I am exactly where I thought I would be at this time in my life. Granted back then I thought 40 was ancient...don't we all when we are 21 or so...!

Had a PTA meeting tonight believe it or not. It's July for God's sake. But being crowned PTA President of the Middle School this year...there things I gotta do. We planned the district calendar and man are there lots of meetings. But I have already decided that I will pick and choose what I go to. I have to go to my PTA meetings cause I have to run them. But all these others I will play by ear. I wonder about some of these PTA people...why they do all the things that they do. I guess everyone has some kind of an agenda. But I am determined not to do so many things "for my children" and not enough things with my children. Although this president thing is a committment I am positive its where I need to be right now. There are things that need to be changed and made right and the team I have this year will get the job done. I hope.

By the way...that wake I went to was uneventful. Felt bad for my aunt and cousins...but it wasn't a traumatic throw yourself in the coffin kind of wake..and believe me I have been to those. Actually there wasnt even a coffin...just a box of ashes. That was weird to me. Although I really hate the whole wake thing. What we put ourselves through when someone dies is mind boggling to me. I guess what good came of it is that I met cousins that I never knew..and it prompted people to make plans to get together who havent seen eachother in many years. So some good can come of it all. My good egg of a husband drove me back and forth to Connecticut for about two hours worth of waking. Bless his heart.lol

I am going to try to do this more often. (blogging that is) How cool if others do it too. It's way late...gotta go hit the hay. His Michael-ness will be up at the crack of dawn.

Forgot I started this!!!

2007-07-16T22:08:00.000-04:00

Again thanks to my friend Mrs P., I remembered I started a blog. One of my main problems is that my life takes over and I sometimes forget to do the things that I like to do. Like write....read...breathe...!
One of the reasons why I love summer so...no schedule. Well, no schedule that I didnt make for myself anyway. I can sleep a little late...gee to 8am at least! I can read the paper that I pay to have delivered everyday. Have coffee out in the backyard with my husband in the morning and actually have a conversation with him before he leaves for work. Play in my garden. Do my projects that I make lists about but never seem to get to do during the year...like clean out my kitchen cabinets or put the mountains of photos I have in a box into a photo album. May not sound like a fun day to you, but anyone who knows my level of OCD can understand how those things call to me and how happy I am to get them done.
So today's the day we officially start decorating Sam's room. It's really the only room in the house we haven't done anything to. Unless you count the front room, which now serves as the catchall for impending and past parties, and around here there's always one or the other. Now not only does the 40th birthday loom...less than a month and counting..theres that block party that we are inviting 117 (yes 117) of our closest friends to. I told MrsP I wasn't making any more friends..what the hell is going on????????????I digress...back to Sam's room.
After much going back and forth, we finally found a comforter set and now have purchased paint. We will begin once Dad gets some spots spackled and paints the ceiling. I am not really into the actual physical painting part. I more like the design and decorating aspect. I need people for the physical part. But we may make it a mother/daughter project. We shall see.
Tomorrow, TP and I go off to CT for a wake/funeral of an uncle in law I really never knew. My dad (this is his brother-in-law) has to go alone for other reasons, so we are really are going to support him so he doesn't have to face the extended family alone. This trip should make for quite the blogging.
Which leads me to another thought. This blogging...I wonder if anyone would actually want to read it. I know I enjoy reading MrsP's. I don't know. I think I would like for more of my friends to do this. So I may share. I used to be quite the sharer during my St. Mary's Mom's group days..I have gotten away from that now. Sometimes I think I don't have that much to share anymore in a group like that. Lot's of times it's talk of problems. I am positively happy most days. Even if it's been an exceptionally stressful one. I know at then end of the day, everything I have is everything I need. And that's good enough for me.
Laundry beckons...gotta throw a load in before I hit the hay. Hopefully the lazy days of summer will remind me I like to do this. Thanks again MrsP.
Goodnight.

another Saturday

2007-04-14T22:19:00.001-04:00

Here I am again. This is fun. Another spring Saturday. No company today believe it or not as long as you don't count the friends S&A have sleeping over. lol

Went over to the next door for "happy hour" at 4pm...didn't come home til 9:30. One of the things I worried about when we moved...was not having neighbors that were nice. We really lucked out. We have great neighbors. I feel like we have known them forever. We are so happy here. Moving was one of the best things we did.

Went to R again today for my hair. After 12 years of having a friend do my hair it was a big step to go to a shop. It felt weird the first time I went but this time was better. People there are very nice. This time since I was a more brave and went with the color I really wanted but was too chicken with a new hairdresser to try, I love my hair. Although it costs a small fortune every six weeks...I don't care. I refuse to feel guilty about it. Its all about maintenance as fourty looms...lol

I think this is a great idea

2007-04-13T15:05:00.000-04:00

So after reading my friend MrsP's blog now and again, I have decided it is a really neat thing! So I am giving it a shot. I have friends and family that I don't get to see or talk to on a regular basis and this a great way of keeping touch. I would love if everyone had one. Leave it to the other MrsP to do it first, so I could copy! I really don't enjoy talking on the phone unless I must so this is wonderful for me.

Today was Michael's kindergarten orientation. I cannot believe this person will be in school full time in Sept. Blows my mind. Five years...sometimes I cant believe how fast it went and other times I couldn't wait for him to get bigger already so we could do more things as a family. (with a 14 year old sister and 11 year old brother we are limited to things we can do that appeal to everyone.) At least I am familiar with the school so I am not going to be worried about him. I know he will do great. He has a million friends already, some he made as an infant, some are part of the Trinity Brat Pack, and two newest pals on the block.

So I don't know who I will be worried about come September him....or me? A friend mentioned something about tequilla...anyone have a glass??? lol