A 5 year old

It amazes me how a five year old little boy can affect me. I don't only mean in the sense of how much love he stirs up in me or our family. But how one little thing he says can alter my entire mood in a good or bad way. Lately it's been bad. Not that he is a "bad boy". (I hate that term I never use it...I feel tell a kid he is bad and he will not disappoint you). He really is a good boy. I know that. And it's not because he is mine. I think I have a pretty real sense of who my kids are.

Lately I feel like he is losing his self worth. Doubting himself. A result I suppose of going to school all day. But I had two before him who already did Kindergarten, but I don't remember this. Again, maybe we don't remember painful things as a defense mechanism. Hence why we have more than one child..lol.

This child had wanted to be five since he was two. Seriously. He always asked when will I be five?...how long 'til I am five?...can we figure out how many minutes until I am five?...and so on. When he turned five I thought this will be his year..finally five. 365 fleetings days to relish in being 5. But about six months into this banner year, there was a shift. Suddenly five sucks. "EVERYONE else is six!" (not EVERYONE..two friends on the block yes but not everyone). Everyone runs faster, rides a two-wheeler better, colors better, has better "stuff". He has NO interest in going to the religion class he has attended since he was three and has always loved. Could even do with a couple less days of school thank you very much. The crying has increased somewhat over stupid little things. I feel so protective over him. Like he is going to break, which is very unlike me.

I eavesdrop on his conversations with friends to make sure he isn't getting picked on. He had to get a cavity filled and he LOVES the dentist but I felt like smacking the dentist when he asked me to sit in the waiting room while he did his thing. I could not help but to sneak back into the hall to listen that he was ok. Which of course he was, how you get your tooth filled while asking 100 questions I do not know. But that's another post.

So maybe the reason I am writing this out loud, is to find my own answer from my own words. I usually know what to do with my kids. But when he says "I don't really go on the swings at school 'cause I can't "pump" that good" I want to throw his jacket on go out back and make him practice pumping. Have I lost my mind? I know there are far greater problems in the world. I know there are parents with such issues with their kids that they would kill for my "problems".

I am hoping this is a phase. Maybe he is just getting older, wiser to the world around him, where things aren't always great. Where people sometimes hurt your feelings and do things to you that you would never dream of doing to them. We all have to learn that. Guess this is one of those times where I would gladly take on the hurt to protect him from it. In a perfect Mom's world we could always do that for our kids. But it's not a perfect world. Just wish he didn't have to learn it the hard way like I did. But I guess we all have to.