Parenting 101

LESSON #1 - "Give your kids EVERYTHING they need and MOST of what they want"

That has really been a parenting lesson that has continuously ran in the back of my mind throughout my 15 years so far of parenting. Sometimes it proves to be the hardest lesson to learn.

Sometimes I feel constantly bombarded with what "they" have and what "they" do that I second guess myself and think maybe I am not doing the right thing. It's not that my kids say "So and So has this and I want it too". There's not really any of that, mostly because my kids have heard "I don't care what so and so does/has" enough times to realize they need a better angle to ask for what they want. Not stupid kids by any means. It's the devil on my shoulder that says.."you need to get _______(fill in the blank) for Shorty(or Jr. or Herself) He needs that.

NO, HE DOES NOT! He needs me to love him. He needs positive reinforcement. He needs to read before bed. He needs to respect adults and his friends. He needs to not have that Kindergarten potty mouth the last few days.(poop this and fart that).

So for a little while I think he needs to have his own trampoline. He REALLY wants one. I try to talk myself into it. I will make sure they are safe. I will monitor all jumping. I will post signs. I will get out of having the huge kiddie party this time, buy a trampoline and have some pizza and pool for a few pals. Then I sit one night in my kitchen and watch Jr's 13 year old friend unwrap his seriously broken arm. Bones popped out, blood, pins...ugh. Did it on his trampoline. His mother is normal. She's a nurse. Nice responsible family. OK no trampoline. But in a moment of madness I told Shorty he could have one for his birthday. But in a moment of what I know was Divine Intervention..he tells me he really would rather have a karate party (he wanted one his WHOLE life didn't you know???) and maybe get a trampoline some other birthday. Whew. He wasn't going to get one but, I was not looking forward to that conversation. So I just look up and say "thanks". Sometimes God knocks you on the head (i.e. boy with broken arm) and if you still dont get it he gives you a free pass.

Fast forward to class trip. At the end the only way to escape is of course through the gift shop. Of course shop is full of sea creatures and the like that we do not need. I knew about it, and I knew that he would be allowed to get something. When his buddy picked up the largest stuffed sea creature available and announced "this is what I am getting". (priced close to $40..ugh) I think..great. We definitely do not need another stuffed animal. I brace myself for battle. But my parenting skills shine through. Shorty: "I do not need a stuffed animal...I have way too many...I think I like this, Mom."
He hands me a little package with a seashell fossill to dig out. I can be an archeologist. (reading at bedtime...) $5. Done. Kid's happy...he talks about all the sea creatures he saw today, what fun he had and how glad he was that it was me and him today. Score one for Mom.

So no to candy before dinner. (Well we did get the ice cream man before dinner the other day...we are allowed to break the rules sometimes) Inside voices a must. Cross the street only when parents are outside to watch you. Say please. Say thank you. And someday realize the times I said no, and it really made you upset, I did for you. I did it for your safety. Or maybe I did it because you really did not need anymore sugar. Or I did it because I don't want you to be a self centered person who thinks he is entitled to whatever he wants when he wants it. And that things cost money, and money is earned, not picked off trees. ( I am channeling my parents now..)And sometimes you don't get what you want. Or what you prayed for. Or what the other guy gets. But you do get parents who love you beyond measure and are proud of the boy you are and the man you will be.

I guess this parenting thing is forever a work in progress. But for all the times you may second guess yourself, it's nice to have the days that you can say...Yes! I am doing the right thing. But the right thing isn't usually the easier thing to do. That may be Lesson #2. For another day.