5 Year old update

Seems to be passing...maybe we both have the winter blues? Here's to two days 'til spring!!
Yahoo!

A 5 year old

It amazes me how a five year old little boy can affect me. I don't only mean in the sense of how much love he stirs up in me or our family. But how one little thing he says can alter my entire mood in a good or bad way. Lately it's been bad. Not that he is a "bad boy". (I hate that term I never use it...I feel tell a kid he is bad and he will not disappoint you). He really is a good boy. I know that. And it's not because he is mine. I think I have a pretty real sense of who my kids are.

Lately I feel like he is losing his self worth. Doubting himself. A result I suppose of going to school all day. But I had two before him who already did Kindergarten, but I don't remember this. Again, maybe we don't remember painful things as a defense mechanism. Hence why we have more than one child..lol.

This child had wanted to be five since he was two. Seriously. He always asked when will I be five?...how long 'til I am five?...can we figure out how many minutes until I am five?...and so on. When he turned five I thought this will be his year..finally five. 365 fleetings days to relish in being 5. But about six months into this banner year, there was a shift. Suddenly five sucks. "EVERYONE else is six!" (not EVERYONE..two friends on the block yes but not everyone). Everyone runs faster, rides a two-wheeler better, colors better, has better "stuff". He has NO interest in going to the religion class he has attended since he was three and has always loved. Could even do with a couple less days of school thank you very much. The crying has increased somewhat over stupid little things. I feel so protective over him. Like he is going to break, which is very unlike me.

I eavesdrop on his conversations with friends to make sure he isn't getting picked on. He had to get a cavity filled and he LOVES the dentist but I felt like smacking the dentist when he asked me to sit in the waiting room while he did his thing. I could not help but to sneak back into the hall to listen that he was ok. Which of course he was, how you get your tooth filled while asking 100 questions I do not know. But that's another post.

So maybe the reason I am writing this out loud, is to find my own answer from my own words. I usually know what to do with my kids. But when he says "I don't really go on the swings at school 'cause I can't "pump" that good" I want to throw his jacket on go out back and make him practice pumping. Have I lost my mind? I know there are far greater problems in the world. I know there are parents with such issues with their kids that they would kill for my "problems".

I am hoping this is a phase. Maybe he is just getting older, wiser to the world around him, where things aren't always great. Where people sometimes hurt your feelings and do things to you that you would never dream of doing to them. We all have to learn that. Guess this is one of those times where I would gladly take on the hurt to protect him from it. In a perfect Mom's world we could always do that for our kids. But it's not a perfect world. Just wish he didn't have to learn it the hard way like I did. But I guess we all have to.

Fire Island Adventure

Yes I said Fire Island. I am not hallucinating from cabin fever. I was actually on Fire Island yesterday. Freezing my butt off...but so happy to be walking on SAND!!!

Went with hubby and friend to check out some summer rentals. I emailed an online real estate and connected with the agent online and arranged to look at houses. As the day got closer I started to worry. How do I know if this is really a real estate agent? What if it's a murderer who lures people to the Island of Fire to kill them and throw their body into the cold Atlantic? After I was poo-poo'd by hubby and friend we were off. Had to meet "Bruce"at Field 5 then he would take us over in his jeep.

OK so now forward to the "meeting" . Out of the Jeep ( a little one mind you I am thinking like 4 doors but no) emerges Bruce. Not your typical real estate agent. I am thinking, ok I was hoping for someone to emerge that would put my Stephen King novel to rest. No such luck. Six foot, long hair, knit hat, surfer dude shades, denim jacket, boots. Hmmm. We shake hands as we introduce ourselves. "hey Cara so cool to meet you..." Oh boy.

So without more than a brief introduction we are off. Skidding out and bumping along the beach. 10 foot waves crashing not too far away. This is it. He is going to make a sharp right and go right in...killing three birds with one stone. (so to speak) But no, we keep bumping right along. Did I mention the BUMPING???? I mean after three large babies, my insides ain't what they used to be. I think my bladder is stuck in my throat. He tells us he has lived here for 32 years. A true local. I say..."must run out of things to do here all winter." Well that opened up the flood gates. He was a carpenter, real estate appraiser, clammer, construction company owner, surfer, husband, (wife couldnt take the floods in the 90's and since she was a professional roller skater and joining Cirque Du Soliel anyway she ditched him), divorced guy, boyfriend (girlfriend is 30 years younger..now I am figuring him for about 60), a resident of Costa Rica, multiple dog owner ( hence the smell of wet dog and dog hair all over the back seat...yummy), horse owner, an almost multi-millionaire 3 times over, green..environmentally speaking, and very well read. Oh, and now a real estate agent.

Mind you we were with him for about 1 1/2- 2 hours. A lot of info for that time frame. Even for me and I like the details. And we did manage to look at 6 houses in between stories.

Now had I gone alone or with CB...and not the men. I am thinking I would have said...
Cara? No I'm not Cara I am meeting someone else here." And left. But since I had the men with me...probably could have taken him anyway..but it's good to have some backup, we went on the adventure.

After saying some goodbyes and listening to a few more stories...oh and he really is not into the Nude Beach at Field 5. Too many old men tanning their wrinkled junk. (not my words..) We decided that we like one of the houses and he will call with all the details. He thought we were cool...and he had fun laughing with us. I think that's a compliment since he probably thought the three of us had a 10 foot pole up our ass when we began. We finally got into the car..cranked the heat (did I mention that I dont think there was any heat in that Jeep?) and laughed all the way back to the Mainland.

All in all an interesting "adventure". I am glad I went. Learned some things about FI. Got a LOT of dirt on the residents...I may write a book. Got to walk on the sand...as the sun peeked out of the clouds..as if to say...I will be here waiting. Come back soon. Oh and I think that old Salty Dog is pretty cool too.

So I hang on by a thread getting through these last days of winter. I have to hang on. I have a date with the sun that I am planning to keep.

Happy Valentines Day

Sent all my loves off this morning...with the first little gifts of the day. Sometimes I worry that the big kids won't want to keep up traditions we have since they are getting older. But they do, at least they say they do. Not sure if it's for Shorty's benefit or mine..but either way I am always pleasantly surprised that they do.

Had some Love Day trinkets waiting for them on the breakfast table..and though they were happy to get them they were wondering if there was going to still be a scavenger hunt. I thought even Shorty wasn't much into it last year and wouldn't want to do it. The scavenger hunt you see started many moons ago....I think the first one was was back when Jr. wasn't even really speaking yet, and was dragged all over the house by you know who. But I always made up clues and hid presents around the house. They ran all over finding candy and toys. This was of course followed by "Red Dinner". Ravioli, heart shaped biscuits, Shirley Temples in fancy wine glasses, candlelight and something red for dessert (this year it's red jello creations). So now after the Kindergarten Valentines' Day party...making snowglobes with 23 five-year olds....H-E-L-P!!) I have to create the scavenger hunt. I complain...but secretly I am tickled. I guess I will have to do it until they are more interested in the their own Valentines and don't have to settle for mom. But that's ok.

My big Valentine gave me a beautiful card this morning and (no candy...weight watchers remember) tickets to a B'way play. I truly enjoy the card the most. After 23 Valentines Days together his card choices are second to none. Well, maybe except mine. ;)

New Look...

Since I turned the page on my calendar and the "dark" days of January are behind me I decided on a new look. I have actually had some time to breathe lately during the day so I had some time to devote to sprucing up my blog. Seriously I started after having to drive Jr. to school at 8:20.
(He left for the bus stop only to call me from said bus stop to say since he had to print out his homework before he left, he forgot to "do" his hair. So he just didn't feel right and needed to come back and do the gel thing. So would I mind driving him? Not a problem High maintenance siblings are all gone for the day. Like I said I have time to breathe. And remember this is a kid who used to not brush his teeth regularly. So I am happy today to drive him so he can do his "do".)
Now it's 10:00..I havent eaten breakfast and I am still in my bus stop attire. (which is minimal..hair brushed somewhat, teeth brushed of course...face somewhat presentable although today required sunglasses even though there was no sun..Crocs which I am not allowed by teenage children to wear in public other than to bus stop or out in the yard...and choice of coat which depends what I wore to bed and what needs to be covered somewhat or completely) Is that T.M.I.? Oh well...

And here I sit blogging and uploading some pictures. The old format was kinda impersonal and dark. I am not feeling dark. I am not totally hating February. I mean there is Valentine's Day. Which I do like. There's our "dating anniversary" which to this day we always acknowledge. (2-11-08 will be 23 years "dating" and I have the gold, tri-color, alternating sapphire and diamond ankle bracelet to prove it!!! Holy moly!) and there's winter break..(with a trip to somewhere warm would be divine but not this year), and now we have our moving in anniversary too. So not terrible.

And that ground hog can bite me. I am thinking warm spring thoughts!

Happy Anniversary

Two years tomorrow at H. Lane....

Sometimes its feels like we just moved here, then other times it seems like we have always been here.I realized somewhat sadly, I am forgetting what my old house looked like. Now I remodeled that entire house. Well, not all me..of course TP did a lot. And I guess the construction company did actually do the addition big deal. But I put my heart into that house. I mean it wasnt a "colonial" when we bought it. Every room on the second floor was new. I picked out paint, rugs, furniture...I ate and slept decorating that house. Now I can't remember what color the carpet was in my bedroom. Or the light fixure that took me months to find. I can't remember what flowers I used to plant in the backyard. I mean this is the house that I decorated for a holiday in a few hours flat. I could do it with my eyes closed. Same things in the same place every year. I had holes in the same places on molding where I tacked my decorations to every year. My little paper autumn leaves or little red hearts that went on my upstairs windows...sounds so silly when I write it "out loud". I mean no one made us move. We wanted to. We had wanted to for several years but never actually got up the nerve. But our life really started there. We loved our old apartment it was a really great apartment. Darling Daughter had her own room, our landlords were like family....but it never felt like home. Our boys were born in that house on F. Avenue...we got our first dog, cat(s), minivan, neighbors, pool, block party, just to name a few in that house. But, my old friends on the block say that the newest people that live there (the BIG PEOPLE moved out) are a nice family, with company, BBQ's, kids playing basketball in the street and even a St. Bernard!! So that makes me happy. I am glad there are people who are making new memories there....even if some of mine are starting to fade.

But happily things are great here too. I love my block. I love living on my block. Driving home to my block. This is a block I used to drive past with almost asleep babies in the backseat looking at houses I wanted to buy someday. It makes me smile sometimes when I pull into my driveway. It has just recently begun to feel like home. Of course there's a million and one things on the "wish list" to do. Evenutally they will get done. It is most "home" to Shorty who doesn't remember a thing from the old house. Jr. has rearranged his room I think its four times since he has lived here...I wonder how many more configurations he can come up with?? Even the pets are at home. They have their spots to sleep or watch squirrels outside in yard. We have already made memories here. Some to last a lifetime. We are happy here. We would probably be happy most anywhere. But being in the town we love makes it even better.

I know we will be here for a long long time. Forever even. And not only because moving totally bites. Because I like to be happy. And we are happy here. I hope this is another great, memory making year in our house. No, in our home.

Don't feel like it...

Don't feel like doing anything. I hate the winter. I am trying this year to embrace it...sweaters, fireplace, read a book, hot chocolate but it's a struggle for me. And the dark days of February are not even here yet. Thank God most of those close to me know to just ride it out and in the Spring I will be back. I guess I may put some off though. I know people may think I am mad at them and I'm not. I am just mad. I am so optimistic right after Christmas. House is in order I have a whole new year to plan and get things right.

Enter Weight Watchers...the torture I have debited from my checking account every month. Now that the scale hasn't budged from the 10lbs lost in the summer...I am getting discouraged. But I do have this fabulous leader, Alice. She is has to be 70 at least. She is tall not very thin although she has "lost 31lbs with Weight Watchers and had kept it off for 30 years"(clap clap clap...anyone who's ever went to a WW meeting knows what I mean) she wears tons of makeup, has her hair dyed bleach blonde wears patterned stocking and sexy clothes. I want to be her when I am an old lady. I think 30 years? Dam, I think 30 years ago.. who cared what I weighed? I was skinny for crying out loud then...SKINNY! Anyway thankfully Alice keeps me coming back. This is the first time though that I am doing WW alone. I always did it with someone else. So I am determined. I have tried the gym alone and that doesnt work for me...so this I must stick to. So add that to the winter blues and no wonder I am a witch. If I could just sit in the house and only have the foods I need to stick to it that would be great. The fact that every weekend is another party, dinner out, wine, take-out, wine, hanging with friends, wine...I don' t know maybe it's the wine?

I am just not in the mood. I dont feel like going out, doing stuff up at school, eating right, exercising, chit chatting, etc., etc., etc. I am in a word a drag. I know it. I hear it in my voice. In who I see when I look in the mirror.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could just check out for a bit when we want to. Just close out the world, wear pajamas 24/7, eat junk food and watch t.v. Sounds like fun. Well for a day or two anyway. I really don't appreciate this grouchy Winter Witch at all. She arrives right after the holidays and sits her fat butt in my house and sucks the life outta me. But as usual I do battle with her. Fight her off the best I can every day. Some days she wins. Most days I don't let her.

How many days til spring? I am not sure. But you can be sure I will find out.

All done... (started on 12/28/07 finished on 1/7/08)

So it is. In a flash. Every year I can't believe how quickly Christmas gets here and it over. But it's always good. Great even.

But as happy as I am to see it come is how happy I am to see it go. January for me is all about laying low and order. I usually say I hate January (its February that I really hate enough with the cold already) but I really don't. I enjoy the quiet.

The quiet of my home that has been bursting at the seams with company. Which is not a bad thing mind you. I adore company and love entertaining. But once all those zillions of Christmas tubs have been packed up and put back downstairs, and I have scrubbed, dusted, vacuumed, Windex'd, mopped every inch of the house I can feel the house sigh. Like it's saying "thank you, all those snowmen, garland and decking of the halls...... enough already."

The quiet of my head...what to buy this one and that one, which cookies to bake~ Do I have butter?~ I need more wrapping paper I know I have 17 rolls but they are old I need NEW ones...and lights~ untangle the lights~ hang the lights~ where are all those extension cords?~clean the house we are having company~ clean the house the company has gone home~cook this cook that

The quiet of my debit card(lol)....I don't even want to buy food...but we can't live on almond paste and butter for the remainder of the winter...I need to get some real food in this house besides egg nog and candy canes...but no unnecessary buying...the sales beckon but I do not answer. There's 11 more months to shop and I will make up for the month of January by the end of March. I actually needed to order a new debit card mine is worn out on the back and not working properly...Debit or credit? Swipe swipe swipe..............SHUT UP!

Quiet....read a book, send everyone off to school, drink tea, wear my new slippers...focus on all the new ways I am going to do things right this year. Well try to anyway.

Wouldn't it be great if every day of the year, even number 226 (which is just a random day in August by the way..of course I went to look it up...handling my OCD better is not a change that I choose to look into at this time, thank you) was as full of promise as the 1st? I think I will try to hold that feeling the best I can throughout this year. A friend said our motto should be "Great in 2008!" and why not? I choose greatness. Maybe everyday won't be spectacular...I am optimistic not stupid. But maybe greatness doesn't have to knock you off your feet. Greatness might be small, a kind word, a sunny day after cold weather, drinking Starbucks in the car with a bunch of friends in a deserted parking lot (yes I did that last night), laughing with someone on the phone...I don't know but I can't wait to find out.